OUR JOURNEY IN CAMO SHELLY HUHTANEN
going and focused on things. I see the immense progress he makes, because I’ve been gone for six months. Shelly’s in the knife fight, and sometimes she’d be so frustrated. “I can’t believe he’s not doing this, and we’ve been working on this for months.” I’m like, “Look at all this stuff he can do.” It brings some perspective for our family. That’s a good side of it. The other side of it is figuring out those roles and responsibilities. It’s always a challenge, because I feel guilty. But technology has been great. I have done IEP meetings and counseling sessions thousands of miles away. When we first were diagnosed, we couldn’t have done that. Now it’s a matter of making time for it. The other challenge is not to forget you have other challenges. We’re raising another child who is going through different things. Right when Broden’s diagnosis was going on, I was battling PTSD from my first deployment. Between autism and that, it took us a lot longer to get everything under control and back in balance. Those are some of the downsides, but there are silver linings.
DH: What impact has Broden's situation had on his older brother, your marriage, or the extended family?
MH: I’ll start with the extended family. Both my parents and Shelly’s parents feel challenged because we move around. We were lucky in Texas. We got to spend the last three or four years there, and we were about an hour apart. That meant they got to see quite a bit of Broden and Hayden growing up. Once we were out to Georgia, now in Columbia, and then with the pandemic… we’re going to see my parents next week for the first time in two years. They’re going to be floored at the progress. We can zoom and see it, but it’s not the same as being able to spend every holiday together. The blessings are that both have done a phenomenal job of find
"When Broden's diagnosis was going on, I was battling PTSD from my first deployment. Between autism and that, it took us a lot longer to get everything back in balance."
ing different ways to help Broden. My father was a grant writer, so he’s big into finances. He did lots of research for all his grandkids, but especially with Broden, he helped with things like a special needs trust. We did the legwork with the lawyers, but then my dad helped figure out how to set up some future stuff for Broden, that you wouldn’t think about. For a typical kid, you do your college fund, and then you kind of hope they’re out of the nest and going. For our special needs kids, you have to have longer term planning. Shelly’s parents have planned trips around times when we need somebody to watch Broden, even if it means flying halfway across the country. I remember her mom flying in because I had a bunch of training to do. At one point she also flew in, so Shelly could go to an advocate conference in Washington, DC. Within our immediate family, watching Hayden, at times he does feel like he is an only child. He can’t do normal sibling things, because Broden can’t go with him. Hayden played basketball for many years, and he has had to suffer through just one parent being at the events, because it was too loud for Broden. We finally got Broden hearing protection, so
he could come. I think the good thing is, I don’t think there’s anybody who knows Broden better than Hayden. Hayden will step up to the plate and watch Broden at a moment’s notice, if we’ve got to do something. He knows how to take care of him, knows how to handle outbursts, knows what his diet is. He’s kind of a walking encyclopedia on what Broden needs, and is in tune with him. He can anticipate, as fast as Shelly and I can, when something’s going to upset him or something’s off balance. As we’ve had the struggles, it has shaped Hayden a lot. In Columbia, we’ve got a camp called Camp Cole, for special needs kids. Hayden’s going to go be a counselor there for some volunteer hours. It was fun listening to the interview, because they like throwing situations at him, and Hayden’s like, “Oh, I take care of that all the time with my brother.” I think he was a shoe-in for the job.
DH: You mentioned the Exceptional Family Member Program. That's not just for families who have a child with autism, but for a lot of different diagnoses. Is that correct?
MH: Absolutely. In the Army and Air Force, we have two EFMP programs. One is tied to our medical system, and once you're enrolled in that, it will ensure that you're only assigned where your family member gets care. The second, is a community service organization that connects you with support groups and activities. The Navy and the Marine Corps combine theirs, so they're just a little different between the services. I think it's more efficient seeing what the Navy and Marine
Now Available: Interview with Faye Simon, Editor-In-Chief of EP Magazine
DAD TO DAD PODCAST
Fathers mentoring fathers of kids with special needs Presented by the Special Fathers Network. Host David Hirsch interviews some amazing fathers of kids with special needs.
CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE DAD TO DAD PODCAST FEATURING FAYE SIMON, EDITOR-IN-CHIEF OF EP MAGAZINE