Corps do. We'll see if the Army gets there. But coming back to medical needs, it's for any family member. I've had friends who have had family members with cancer that they've taken on as a dependent. That soldier can enroll in that program. Whatever need is designated as a medical necessity, the Army can only assign them where they can get that care.

DH: Shelly writes a column for Exceptional Parent Magazine, Where did the motivation come from with as much as she has on her plate?

MH: I think for Shelly, writing started as kind of a way to process the diagnosis and everything that she was going through. She's a communications teacher by trade. I think writing was her way of voicing it. She kind of fell into Exceptional Parent Magazine, because it had some articles that were handed to us, early on with Broden. I think she read a couple of the articles, and she thought, "I need to share our story." Then they kept asking her to write about different things, and pretty soon they made a column for her. It was part of her process to be able to talk about and think about what she's been through, and synthesize everything.

DH: Are there important takeaways that you might share, A) for a military family, and B) just for dads at large?

MH: For military families, number one is you can have a successful career in the military with a special needs child or special needs family member and still take care of them. You have to be enrolled in the EFMP program, because then the military knows, and they won't assign you somewhere else. To all dads out there: it takes a partnership with your spouse. It takes a lot of patience, communication, talking through: feelings, responsibilities, jobs, who's doing what. You have to talk about the feelings part which is probably the hardest thing for me. If you don't know what your partner's going through, and you don't know what your partner's taking care of, then you're not complementing each other. We like to joke that navigating this is like being in a canoe. You've got to paddle together, or you're not going to go anywhere, or you're going to go in circles.

DH:. Why is it that you've agreed to be a mentor father as part of the Special Fathers Network?

MH: I've been doing it already in the military, so if it helps a broader audience, then great. I had a friend of mine tell me, "Mark, I've got this young major who works for me, and they just found out their son has autism. Can you take a few minutes to talk to him?" I didn't have that when I went through it. I literally stumbled through it with Shelly. I needed to know that there was somebody who had gone ahead of me and had been through a few more doors than I had. Someone who could look back and say, "Okay, this is what's coming up next," So I think that's the biggest reason.

DH: We're thrilled to have you. Thank you for being involved. In fact, I would say that a very, very large majority of the 500 plus dads in the network have said, "I wish there had been something like this when I was a younger dad."

MH: There's some male pride that sometimes gets in our way. You just have to be willing to make the phone call. Us old guys, we'll tell stories all day long. If you just have the phone call and listen, it might get you something.

DH: Let's give a special shout out to your lovely wife, Shelly, and our mutual friends at Exceptional Parent Magazine for helping connect us.

MH: Absolutely.

DH: Is there anything else you'd like to say before we wrap up?

MH: Hopefully somebody out there was helped just by listening to me.

DH: Mark, thank you for your time and your many insights. As a reminder, Mark is just one of the dads who is part of the Special Fathers Network, a mentoring program for fathers raising a child with special needs. If you're a dad looking for help or would like to offer help, we would be honored to have you join our closed Facebook group. Please go to facebook.com/groups and search Dad to Dad. Also, please be sure to register for the Special Fathers Network biweekly Zoom calls held on the first and third Tuesdays of every month.

SFN Mentor Fathers share their experi

ences with younger dads closer to the beginning of their journey raising a child with the same or similar special needs. The SFN Mentor Fathers do NOT offer legal or medical advice – that is what lawyers and doctors do. They simply share their experiences and how they have made the most of challenging situations. •

To listen to this entire podcast or other interesting and informative podcasts (including the interview with our Editor In Chief, Faye Simon) go to: Dad to Dad Podcast at podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dad-to-dad-pod- cast/id1373738974

RESOURCES FOR FATHERS

EXCEPTIONAL FAMILY MEMBER PROGRAM (EFMP)

efmp.amedd.army.mil

Giving a Voice to the Silent Many

OUR JOURNEY IN CAMO

Shelly Huhtanen is an Army wife stationed at Fort Jackson, SC. She enjoys sharing her experiences of her day-to-day life caring for her son with autism. Shelly authored Giving a Voice to the Silent Many that encompasses many stories of raising a child with autism in the military. She also teaches Public Communication at the University of South Carolina and has contributed to EP Magazine for over 10 years.