AMERICAN ACADEMY OF DEVELOPMENTAL MEDICINE & DENTISTRY

BY H. BARRY WALDMAN, DDS, MPH, PHD, JEFFREY SEIVER, DDS AND STEVEN P. PERLMAN, DDS, MSCD, DHL (HON)

"Lowered expectations and over-protection of the individual with a disability can cause lowered self-esteem which can result in a life time of underachievement and failure to reach their full potential. Both lowered expectations and over-protection are forms of discrimination."1

Over-protection and lowered expectations of persons with disabilities may result in several unwanted and unintended consequences which can have lifelong impact. "The prejudicial attitudes of those around a child with a disability often include overt acts of sympathy and pity. This discomfort may cause the person with a disability to be segregated and may exaggerate the sense of inequality." 1

Adolescents with disabilities may not be prepared to make decisions for themselves because of their subjection to low expectations and because they are micromanaged by parents and educators. This negative feedback keeps the individual in an inferior and dependent position, often giving up on him/her self. 3

"For all parents…who have a child (with a disability), the diagnosis represents a loss which must be grieved. The loss for which the parent grieves is of the dream that all parents have of how their child and how their life would turn out. Their dream does not include a child with disabilities… (T)he grief engendered by the death of a family member is acute and terminal…The grief experienced by the parent of a child with special needs is chronic. There is usually minimal emotional support carrying a fetus for 9 months and delivering a healthy child. When the child has a disability, the mother feels she has failed in some way…" 3

"Grief very often translates into…behavior that is not helpful for the child. Guilt-ridden parents tend to over-protect their child ('I let something bad happen to you once. I am not going to let that happen again… I am going to make it up to you.')" 3

AMERICAN ACADEMY OF DEVELOPMENTAL MEDICINE AND DENTISTRY The American Academy of Developmental Medicine and Dentistry (AADMD) was organized in 2002 to provide a forum for healthcare professionals who provide clinical care to people with neurodevelopmental disorders and intellectual disabilities (ND/ID). The mission of the organization is to improve the quality and assure the parity of healthcare for individuals with neurodevelopmental disorders and intellectual disabilities throughout the lifespan.

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FRESH ARRANGEMENT: All too often, individuals with disabilities were "hidden" in institutions and in back rooms. Today, they are in public and private schools, many forms of employment, entertainment and just about all settings for everyday activities.

COMMENTARIES AND PERCEPTIONS

Negative effects of over-protection and lowered expectations have far- reaching consequence. All that lack of belief can have an effect on one self. Individuals with disabilities are not expected to do more, so they do not. In some reviews, the responses by over-protected college students included: "I was restricted at home; was prohibited to go on trips; rarely allowed to leave home; I could never go where I wanted; they balked against my independence." 4

A consequence of lowered expectations can lead the individual to believe that the disability is the root cause of all his/her futility and uselessness. The over-protected child with a disability is often not challenged to strive for excellence; they are allowed to settle for less. 5

Children with disabilities may have developmental delays or physical limitations which could have an impact on the individual and how they are perceived by others. These differences may cause the child to develop perceptions about him/herself which may be based on actual functional limitations. "Parents must be aware of the child's perceptions concerning (her/) himself so that child's perceptions of the disability does not negatively affect the child's ability to reach their full potential." 5

One of the tasks of effective parenting is to teach their child appropriate behavior. Society and culture have different expectations about persons with disabilities, which may influence the parent's role as a parent of child with disabilities.6 This task can become even more essential and complicated. In the past, all too often, individuals with disabilities were "hidden" in institutions and in backrooms of homes. In today's world, youngsters with disabilities are in public and private schools (not segregated in classrooms for individuals with special needs); as adults, they are involved in all forms of employment, entertainment and just about all settings for everyday activities.

PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES FACED BY ADOLESCENT AND YOUNG ADULTS WITH DISABILITIES

FIRST, AVOID OVER-PROTECTION

ON THE OTHER HAND

Comments from a "helicopter parent": "By definition, a helicopter parent is 'a parent who takes an over-protective or excessive interest in the life of their child or children.' As a parent to two chil dren with special needs, I don't see being over-protective as a bad thing. Having an excessive interest in their life seems perfectly fine and helpful in many ways. (sic) Parents of children with special needs follow their own sets of rules. Instead of focusing on the helicopter parent as some one with unnecessary fears who gives their child instant gratification and solves every problem for their child, let's look at the characteristics of an actual helicopter pilot and see how these top qualities are an asset in parents of children with and without special needs." 9

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QUESTION: HOW DOES ONE BALANCE?

HOVER-CRAFT : WHAT IT TAKES TO PARENT A SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD

ABOUT THE AUTHORS:

H. Barry Waldman, DDS, MPH, PhD is a SUNY Distinguished Teaching Professor, Department of General Dentistry, Stony Brook University, NY. E-mail: h.waldman@stonybrook.edu Jeffrey Seiver, DDS is a Clinical Assistant Professor, Department of General Dentistry, Stony Brook University, NY. Steven P. Perlman, DDS, MScD, DHL (Hon) is the Global Clinical Director and founder, Special Olympics, Special Smiles and Clinical Professor of Pediatric Dentistry, The Boston University Goldman School of Dental Medicine.

References