Broden has a weekly calendar that I build for him every Sunday so he knows what his week entails. The calendar I will build tomorrow will include our trip to Alabama to drop Hayden off to school. Every morning and night until that day comes, Mark and I will talk about what is going to happen in the hopes that Broden will understand what it means when we start to pack the cars to head west. Our family has experienced many transitions being in the military, but we haven't experienced something quite like this before. From my perspective, I am not just sending my son off to college. I'm sending the one who was there with me through four deployments and multiple trainings for the last 18 years of his life. I'm sending off the one who helped me care for Broden when Mark was unable to assist at home due to his responsibilities of serving. I've come to realize I'm saying goodbye to my battle buddy and it hurts.

With transition, also comes opportunities for change. With Hayden building a new life and experiencing new things in

Alabama, Mark and I have made a pact to focus on planning outings that will encourage Broden to try new things. We've started a list and we are going to hold each other accountable to get through the list we've built. Over the last

few weeks, the list has gradually lengthened. Last night, putt putt golf was added. We have no idea if he's going to like it, but we're going to try. We have to try. We need to find our new normal and ensure that Broden is included into our new rhythm.

"We have experienced many transitions being in the military, but nothing like this before. I'm sending the one who was with me through four deployments and multiple trainings for the last 18 years of his life."

I'm keeping my expectations low as I play out future events in my mind as I leave Hayden in his dorm room. My goal is not to cry in front of Hayden because I don't want him to feel an ounce of regret or guilt for going to school out of state. He needs to do this. Am I going to get a big hug and a kiss on the cheek? I'm not sure. Is he going to tell me that he'll call me every day and tell me about every new friend he meets? Not likely. One thing I do know is that the moment Broden turns to me and asks, "Hayden?" when he realizes he's not with us, I will break down and cry. I'll cry because I'll have to say, "Broden, Hayden is in Alabama. He's at school. He's not going to be home with us for awhile." •

PUZZLES & CAMO

Shelly Huhtanen is an Army wife stationed at Fort Jackson, SC. She enjoys sharing her experiences of her day-to-day life caring for her son with autism. Shelly authored Giving a Voice to the Silent Many" that encompasses many stories of raising a child with autism in the military. She also teaches Public Communication at the University of South Carolina and has contributed to EP Magazine for over 10 years.