PUZZLES & CAMO SHELLY HUHTANEN

Ready to Launch

Broden's ABA therapist advised us to take Broden on the trek to Alabama, "Broden needs to see Hayden unpacking his room in the dorm. He needs to say goodbye to him and experience getting into the car driving off without him.

In few days, our oldest son, Hayden, will be headed to college out of state. This week has become the week of "lasts." This week will be the last time I pick up his wet towel off his floor, the last time he lays his head on my lap for me to play with this hair and rub his back, and the last time he asks me to make him scrambled eggs because I make them just the way he likes them. I will not hear him yelling at Broden to flush the toilet. I will not hear him laughing and giggling during game night with his friends from his bedroom and I will not hear the pounding of his feet upstairs when he gets up in the later hours of the morning. There will be a shift in how our family unit operates and it doesn't matter how many blogs I read or friends I speak with who have gone through this, it's evidently clear that I am not ready. I'm not ready for Hayden to leave and I'm not ready for the first time Broden asks me where Hayden is when he realizes he is gone.

How do I explain to Broden that his brother, who he has known his entire life, is heading to a place away from home for a long length of time? For years, their rooms have been next to each other. At Fort Benning, their rooms were connected by a small walk-in closet. They would keep their closet doors open day and night. Broden could see his brother from his bed and many times I would hear Broden's pitter patter of his feet while I was downstairs from him sliding off his bed and running through

the closet and into his brother’s room. In the house where we currently live, their rooms are across from each other. Broden can sit on his bed and see Hayden at his computer. This past year, when Hayden was gone for a week to Costa Rica for a school trip, I would see Broden walk into Hayden’s room and walk around eventually sitting on his bed to feel closer to him.

The original plan for transporting Hayden to college was having my parents fly to us to watch our dogs and Broden in order to not disrupt Broden's ABA schedule. After talking to Jaime,

Broden's ABA therapist, she advised us to take Broden on the trek to Alabama, "Not only are you experiencing Hayden being gone for the first time, but Broden is too. Broden needs to see Hayden unpacking his room in the dorm. He needs to say goodbye to him and experience getting into the car driving off without him. If he doesn't take part in this process, it will be more difficult for him to understand what is happening." I realized she was right. I can't shield Broden from Hayden leaving and he needs to be a part of it.

Last night, I sat outside to be alone trying to get myself ready for the inevitable. I keep telling myself that I am not the only parent who is experiencing this transition with their child. Why is it still so painful? My friend Trina said it best, “Both of my children have gone off to college. They are still my babies and it hurt like hell. I worked through it and I still am here and available if they need me. Shelly, there’s no other way to put it. It’s going to hurt like hell, but you’ll get through it. I’m not going to sugar coat it for you. It sucks.” It’s good to have friends that tell you how it really is. We’ve got to go through it to get to the other side. It’s plain and simple.

THE DEEP END: "One thing I do know is the moment Broden turns to me and asks, "Hayden?" when he realizes he's not with us, I will break down and cry."