Different Perspective at Sixteen

As I watch Broden grow, he knows. He knows what is happening around him. He knows there are things Hayden is doing that are things he will not get the chance to do.

Broden turned sixteen years old this past month. This was a tough one. Broden should be getting his driver's license and walking out of the house to see the car he would soon be driving to school. As parents, Mark and I should be excited for him, but still feel the pit in our stomachs, knowing that he will not be experiencing a different level of freedom similar to his older brother, Hayden. Broden should be looking forward to prom this Saturday like his older brother. I should be helping both of my boys try on their tuxes and I should be purchasing two corsages, one for Hayden's date and one for Broden's date, but I'm not. Broden's milestone birthday, in a way, cemented the fact that his life is very different than a typical kid his age. I'm not sure if Broden will truly understand what freedom feels like. It hurts and I realize that this is the reality I will face.

This is the dark side of severe autism. This is the side that no one likes to hear

about because it makes people uncomfortable. People do not know what to say because there isn't really anything anyone can say. I don't want to hear an apology, it just is. It's part of our lives if we like it or not. I keep telling myself that I need to focus on where Broden is at now and celebrate the little things. Something as small as Broden reaching out to connect with his brother is a glimmer of light in my eyes. Hayden was gone for a ten day school trip to Costa Rica. Broden never asked about him, but Mark and I would watch Broden walk into his room each day to check if he was there. When Hayden came home, he walked into Broden's room to say hello and give him a turtle necklace he had bought him. Broden looked at Hayden and reached out his hand so Hayden could hold it. Hayden smiled and squeezed his hand, "Hey there Buddy. I

missed you." Broden stood up and hugged him, then ushered Hayden out of his room.

Hayden looked at me sort of defeated, "Broden doesn't even want me in his room. I've been gone for a week and a half". I told him that I understood that it hurts, but he needed to focus on the fact that Broden reached out to hold his hand. I assured him that Broden missed him while he was gone. I've learned over the years that Broden shows that he cares in his own way. Something as small as witnessing the simple shifts in his requests or reaching out for a hand squeeze, is really important for Broden.

PULLING TOGETHER: "I assured Hayden (above, right) that Broden missed him while he was gone. I've learned over the years that Broden shows that he cares in his own way."