this is what I’d like to think each morning as I’m reading it as I drink my coffee. The essence of Brene’s new book is that through her research, she uncovered the realization that there are many emotions that people feel, but are unable to identify. Typical emotions people identify as feeling are happy, sad, or angry, but if we are able to dig deeper to identify more specifically what we are feeling, we can begin to explore why and how it affects us and our relationships.

"I know that Broden will always need me. I will always have a large presence in his life, but will Hayden eventually stop needing me? If so, I will have to be prepared to accept it."

This concept that Brene explored in her new book was revolutionary for me as I enter into this year of transition for my family. I needed to really identify what I was feeling and explore what it is like for me as a mom, wife, friend and daughter raising two boys in two worlds, adventuring out into the world on such

different paths. As I nudge Broden to be more independent and practice self-advocacy, I realize that I want this for Hayden as well, but I feel fear. I know that Broden will always need me. I will always have a large presence in his life, but will Hayden eventually stop needing me? If so, I will have to be prepared to accept it. I want Hayden to be independent, and self-confident, but as his mom, I still want him to need me. This is a feeling I will need to continue to explore and eventually find a way to express to Hayden. I want to encourage his independence, but I also want to encourage us to stay connected. I need Hayden to know that staying connected does not jeopardize his independence as a young man as long as he defines his boundaries and I am held accountable to those boundaries.

I will continue to learn from Brene and take the time to try and identify more carefully what I am feeling in the hopes of using that information to steer me on to a path where I can be a supportive mom to both of my boys, no matter where they are on their journey. While living in two worlds, my goal is to continue to stretch, bend and grow while having one hand touching Hayden for connection and one hand on Broden's elbow, encouraging him to communicate and self-advocate for himself. 

PUZZLES & CAMO

Shelly Huhtanen is an Army wife stationed at Fort Benning, GA who has a child with autism. She enjoys sharing her experiences of day-to-day life caring for her son with autism while serving as an Army spouse. She authored "Giving a Voice to the Silent Many" that encompasses many stories of raising a child with autism in the military. Shelly is passionate about autism advocacy for our military and works to bring awareness to our local legislators and command about providing better support for our military autism community, such as better health care and education.