PREVIOUSLY

In an earlier writing in EP Magazine almost a decade ago, we emphasized the fact that grandparents are really “great” grandparents, particularly for families with children who have special needs. 3 We laid out a series of suggestions to assist grandparents in supporting their children, who may be struggling in caring for their youngsters with special needs

• Follow the lead of the child’s parents.
• Inform themselves about the grandchild’s condition.
• Make learning about the grandchild’s condition a family affair.
• Never place blame. Never suggest that something that the parent did or did not do might have caused the situation.
• Spend time with the grandchild.
• Be more understanding about other’s behavior. Realize that the stresses of raising a child with special needs may cause family members to be more volatile or more sensitive than they would otherwise be.
• Consider financial planning. Secure experienced advisors when it comes to their estate and financial planning for your grandchild with special needs.
• And most important, take care of yourself. 4,5 These suggestions are still valid! But these guidelines should be extended and more specific

"Grandparents are not the wizened cranky images presented in older movies. 43% became grandparents in their fifties, with the average age of grandparents in this country at 48 years. Grandparents lead 50 million households nationwide in 2015."

IN THE 2020s AND BEYOND

The first step is acceptance. Family members often experience grief and denial when a child is born with disabilities. You struggle with ‘what might have been.’ The grandparents’ positive attitude can make it easier for their child to accept the realities of the newborn child.

You do grieve at first. You look at your grandchild child and think. He/she may never be able to go to school or college; never get married and have children; and never have a ‘normal’ life. Even though children with special needs could be a blessing, their daily care is exhausting and, at times, overwhelming. But grandparents can play a part in easing that load. 1

Next, be fearless. Sometimes that means overcoming fears about unfamiliar things, like therapy, injections and feeding tubes. In some circumstances, certain disabilities prevent sufficient nutrition by mouth. The family would need to learn to give the child formula through a feeding tube. Knowing that someone else feels comfortable with the child’s care frees parents to relax and recharge. 1

Be ready. Help can arrive in the form of a grandparent taxi service. Taking the child to therapy and appointments can (and will) cement bonds between grandparents and their grandchild; enabling them to develop a close relationship. It takes patience because children with special needs take longer to do basic things,

GETTING CLOSER: Taking the child to therapy and appointments can cement bonds between grandparents and their grandchild . It takes patience because children with special needs take longer to do basic things, Often they get left behind by the other kids.