We Don't Need Red to Say "I Love You!"
"For many parents of exceptional children such as myself, it has become important to learn how to observe Valentine's day differently, while still imparting the same message of celebrating love."
BY LAURA GEORGE
Seasonal thoughts of love are in the air for Valentine's day. Candy hearts, assorted hard candies, chocolates, flowers, and perfumes are some of the traditional items to give that help us demonstrate our love for one another.
Holiday participation is especially important for parents like myself when we teach and enjoy sharing that moment with our children. According to History.com, the giving of food and perfumes on Valentine's day came around the 18th century where "small tokens of affection were exchanged." According to HistoryExtra.com, when Hallmark produced their first Valentine card, the commercialization of the holiday occurred. It then became common to exchange symbols of love and affection with one another. Today, it is the holiday that is not just observed between lovers, but also between siblings, even at elementary school, and is considered a popular holiday in America.
These days, there's also more of an acceptance and understanding that not all children will be able to observe Valentine's as others do, with store-bought cards and candies. In fact, for many parents of exceptional children such as myself, it has become important to learn how to observe Valentine's day differently, while still imparting the same message of celebrating love. It must be remembered that some children cannot eat the color red, have milk, eat corn, or even be near nuts due to allergies and the possibility of anaphylaxis. Other children might be chemical sensitive to perfumes and flowers, which can cause respiratory concerns or other challenging issues. There are also children who do not have the ability to see, hear, touch, or comprehend the item being given. They may let you know that Valentine's is holiday they cannot easily participate in or enjoy in the way others do.
Have you ever seen or had those little pastel colored candy hearts? Though the candies may be pretty, children with color dye issues cannot have them. So it might be considered ironic that those little candy hearts that are synonymous with the holiday have their history in the medical community. The same pharmaceutical profession that is relied upon to create medications to help our children heal and recover. According to HuffPost.com, the traditional candy hearts that come with a wide variety of compassionate and caring phrases first arrived in 1847. A machine that produced sugar paste medicinal lozenges was created by a pharmacist to address the long process that historically had been used to make them. Eventually, he tired of making the lozenges and converted the process to make candy instead. Later on, the pharmacist's brother started a process using food coloring to put words on them. A section in the latter part of the article suggests that during the Civil War, soldiers would use them to send romantic letters to their lovers who were civilians.
Yes, the irony of those sweet tokens of love is that they cannot be seen by some children who are blind, tasted by those with allergies or swallowing disorders, felt by those who don't have tactile sensation, and perhaps smelled by those who have chemical sensitivities. Children who cannot hear sadly cannot listen to the words of others describing their enjoyment of the sweets. Last but not least are the children with developmental disabilities, some of whom may have limited understanding of the events occurring around them.
For any parent who loves their exceptional child deeply, it is important that they feel comfortable and enthused about celebrating this holiday of love. For me, it is not important to give my daughter red-colored food to let her know of the love I have for her and who she is. What does matter is that I create an opportunity for my child to smile.
So where do you begin? First, you need to consider what your child is capable of doing and design the holiday around their best personal traits. Speak with fellow support groups, family, school, research the Internet and, most important of all – ask your child how they would like to observe and participate in this loving season.
With my daughter, her teachers have made it clear they appreciate my regular, educational notes about my child's serious immune issues. The teachers send me notes asking for creative ideas and solutions to maintain equal inclusion of my child in class activities. If you know in advance that your child's class is having a party, do not wait for the teacher to reach out to you. Offer to be there on the day of the party to assist with all the activities; be present behind the scenes. The teachers will greatly appreciate your proactive interest.
Most school parties will have an exchange of cards. Consider creating pieces of Valentine shapes that children can put together, or give instructions for how these can be created. This will give them a sense of accomplishment and pride in handing out their creations to the other children. Offer to write the names and tiny messages on the Valentine cards to eliminate writing frustrations for those who may face some challenges.
While all these ideas may sound amazing, remember not to lose sight of the importance of Valentine's Day. It is not about the colors, the chocolates, the handwriting, the gifts, or any other item that can be seen, felt, touched, tasted or even heard. It is not about how much was bought for the other person, or even how much labor was put into creating something for them. This day is about inclusion and not differences. This is a day to actively make others understand they are loved. What the child with special needs receives will be amazing because you have taken time to weave them and their unique needs seamlessly into the day – so they are truly able to participate and enjoy Valentine's Day.
Now I am off to the kitchen to make cookies with my child, giving her a hug and kiss first. Happy Valentine's Day! •
VALENTINE CARDS
Here are some helpful links for ideas to create cards with your exceptional child:
21 FREE PRINTABLE VALENTINE'S DAY CARDS FOR KIDS & ADULTS blog.thepapermillstore.com/21-free-printable-valentines-day-cards-kids-adults
TANGIBLE VALENTINE CARDS pathstoliteracy.org/strategies/tangible-valentine-cards
VALENTINE FUN AND GAMES
After the card exchange, the children will probably want to eat and play games. Here are some fun activity ideas:
PATHS TO LITERACY Valentine's Day Fun for Children Who Are Blind and their Siblings for Kids & Adults pathstoliteracy.org/strategies/valentines-day-fun-children-who-are-blind-and-their-siblings
SIGN LANGUAGE GAMES CRAFTS AND ACTIVITIES pinterest.com/iCANsign/sign-language-games-crafts-and-activities
TACTILE VALENTINE'S CRAFTS & IDEAS FOR BLIND KIDS pinterest.com/wonderbabyorg/tactile-valentines-crafts-ideas-for-blind-kids
TIPS FOR HELPING CHILDREN WITH SPECIAL NEEDS ENJOY VALENTINE'S DAY abclawcenters.com/blog/2017/02/13/special-needs-valentines-day-tips
VALENTINE'S DAY FOR CHILDREN WITH VISUAL IMPAIRMENTS OR MULTIPLE DISABILITIES pinterest.com/pathstoliteracy/valentines-day-ideas-for-children-with-visual-impa
VALENTINE SWEET TREATS
Then there are all the candies and chocolates to be enjoyed:
CHOCOLATE COVERED FUN FOR ALL AGES AND ABILITIES By Mary E. Ulrich Feb 14, 2019 Climbing Every Mountain climbingeverymountain.com/chocolate-covered-fun-for-all-ages-and-abilities
GODAIRYFREE Dairy-Free Valentine Day Recipes by the Dozen godairyfree.org/news/dairy-free-valentines-day-recipes
NATURAL CANDY STORE naturalcandystore.com/category/valentines-day-candy
VALENTINE WISHES
If the child has a serious medical condition that has them in the hospital, consider participating in one of these projects:
CARDS FOR KIDS WITH CANCER FOR VALENTINE'S DAY k1047.com/2018/02/07/cards-kids-cancer-valentines-day
THE VALENTINE PROJECT thevalentineproject.org
HOW TO MAKE A FRIENDSHIP BRACELET instructables.com/id/how-to-make-a-friendship-bracelet-1
BEADS OF COURAGE luriechildrens.org/en/blog/beads-of-courage--representing-a-childhood-cancer-journey
HOW TO MAKE ORIGAMI FLOWERS For the teens who want to be especially creative origamiway.com/origami-flowers.shtml
For parents whose children may not be able to participate in Valentine festivities, try to create the day for them anyway. You can sit down with a crayon, paper and glue to make a Valentine. Or take them to their favorite place to partake in their favorite entertainment activity with them. Let their dog sit on their lap. Trust me, they experience extra special love by the way you communicate with them and touch their hearts. As for my own daughter, who has a seriously long list of allergies and is not allowed to consume the color red, I will be making her:
VALENTINE SPECIALTIES
ALMOST OH-REE-OH'S RECIPE savoryspiceshop.com/recipes/almost-oh-ree-ohs
SIMPLY OLD-FASHIONED MARSHMALLOWS (Corn Syrup - Free) jerryjamesstone.com/recipe/old-fashioned-marshmallows
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Laura George is an Emergency Management Disability Liaison and sits on the National Center for Independent Living Emergency Preparedness Committee [ NCIL.org] as well as other national, state, and local committees. This past year she has assisted with flood, hurricane and tornado disasters spanning from Colorado to Texas to North Carolina and the Bahamas. She has spent the last 13 years volunteering her time, consulting, presenting and writing on the idea that emergency design needs to include everyone. She is the author of Emergency Preparedness Plan: A Workbook for Caregivers, People with Disabilities, the Elderly and Others. In her spare time, she shares smiles with her daughter who has PANS & Immune Issues and dog (assistant), Turkey.
References
Barry, Anna Maria. "A Brief History of Valentine's Day Cards." HistoryExtra, Immediate Media Co., 26 Mar. 2019, historyex- tra.com/period/modern/a-brief-history-of-valentines-day-cardsBologna, Caroline. "The Weird Backstory Behind Those Valentine's Day Candy Hearts." HuffPost, HuffPost Food & Drink/Verizon Media, 8 Feb. 2018, huffpost.com/entry/history-of-conversation- hearts_n_5a72a8e1e4b06fa61b4d60ef. History.com Editors. "Valentine's Day Facts." History.com, A&E Television Networks, 27 Oct. 2009, history.com/topics/valen- tines-day/valentines-day-facts.