COVER STORY
FAMILY & COMMUNITY
(THE EPISCOPAL CENTER FOR CHILDREN)
The holidays can be fun, but they can add stress to the lives of children with special needs. The Episcopal Center for Children (ECC), a nonprofit organization serving children with special needs ages 5-14 in the greater Washington, DC area, offers the following tips to help.
TRULY TOGETHER: Holidays can be busy for grown-ups and children. Make sure you spend a few minutes of quality time with your child every day. Remember to give your child your full attention.
"Children with special needs enjoy the holidays but they are especially sensitive to the changes in routines that the holidays bring," said dodd white, president and Ceo of eCC. "making a plan and adjusting your expectations can go a long way to creating a positive holiday experience for the entire family."
Tip 1: make a plan for the holidays and share it with your family.
Create a schedule for your family's holiday activities and post it for your child to see. You may find it helpful to use pictures to help a young child. Talk about the schedule with your child, so he or she can anticipate what will happen.
It is also important to keep your expectations realistic. Kids who face behavior challenges or have trouble regulating emotions on normal days, still have challenges over the holidays. "But now your plans and expectations for the holiday are in play," said Stefanie Nash, chief program officer at the Center. "The holidays engender a lot of excitement and fun, but it can also be overstimulating and compromising and overwhelming. When you are hoping for the best, you might experience more challenges, so you need to think about your plans through that lens."
Tip 2: remind your family about Holiday plans.
Review the schedule weekly. Discuss the schedule with others, so they understand what is going on and how they can best support your child with special needs, so everyone can have a fun holiday.
It's about giving anticipatory guidance, says Nash. "Being able to anticipate changes and talk about them in advance with children is so important. You are giving guidance to your child and predicting outcomes. So for example, if there are cousins coming over to your home for a visit during the holidays, explain to your child that they are coming and you might have to share your space or toys."
Tip 3: for Holiday gatherings, give your child a job and a plan.
Ask your child to help collect coats, give out treats, or greet arrivals. Rehearse the plan. Give your child a schedule or plan for a festive occasion so he or she knows what to anticipate. If going to another place, bring along a favorite toy or quiet fidget.
Involving your child in the holiday is great, but also notice where you need to draw boundaries. One particularly problematic area is how to handle other children who want to play with your child's treasured holiday gift. "It can be hard to share when you just received something you really wanted. So you might need to draw some lines and say this is their special toy, they just got it for Christmas, and they might not be able to share it right now," said Nash.
Tip 4: maintain routines as much as possible.
There may be special activities for the holidays, but try to keep your child's schedule as close to "normal" as possible. Structure is key. "Stick to their routine, which includes their medication regimen," said Nash. She notes that can be tough, as some children take medicine in the evening before bedtime, and others take it in the morning. Both time periods are rife with disruptions during the holidays.
Tip 5: eat healthy foods and consider how new or special foods impact your child.
During the holidays there are all sorts of fun foods and treats to enjoy. Some chil dren are more affected than others by dietary changes. Pay attention to your child's moods and how diet and situational changes may be impacting him or her. If you are at an event, bring along food that is familiar to your child if you think it may be needed.
Tip 6: if your child is sensitive To unfamiliar smells, help manage them.
Talk in advance about smells that might be found in your home or someone else's over the holidays. Cinnamon is a common holiday fragrance. You can add a little cinnamon to play compound to help a child experience this smell minimally (and gauge the reaction to it). You can also ask guests visiting your home to not wear heavy perfumes if your child is sensitive to them.
Tip 7: get your child into the spirit of the season through gift giving.
Gift giving provides an opportunity to practice social skills. Making a gift can let your child express creativity and emotion. But don't expect for younger children to do this on their own. Help your child make a gift for someone else, and practice how to give the gift to that person.
Tip 8: Take breaks when needed.
Sometimes children need a break from the hubbub of holiday busyness. Fill a bag or backpack with a few favorite toys, games or activities. If you see your child is getting stressed, get out the bag and find a quiet spot to play.
Parents and guardians can also play a key role in helping their child manage the over-stimulation that comes with the holidays. "If you know that your child can get overwhelmed, then re-think how the family dinner is set up. Does it have to be everyone eating at the same time at a big table in a loud room? Can it be smaller groups? Could you attend a gathering for a short time, then take a walk around the block to get some air?" said Nash.
If you are going to someone else's house, then talk to the host in advance so you understand the environment you are walking into. "Remind your child about coping strategies and set the stage with other relatives so their expectations are not unrealistic. Children can't always draw from what they know," said Nash.
Tip 9: do not allow presents to be a hindrance to enjoyment.
Toy packaging today can frustrate children and parents alike. Children who have trouble with fine motor skills may find unwrapping some gifts frustrating. You can adjust packages to their comfort level by loosening ribbons and paper, or pre-cutting fasteners.
Ask others who give your child gifts to be aware of his or her needs when it comes to wrapping them. Some children with special needs find it disorienting to unwrap things that are new and unfamiliar to them. If that is the case for your child, wrap a few favorite toys for your child to unwrap.
Tip 10: give your child the gift of your attention.
Holidays can be busy for grown-ups and children. Make sure you spend a few minutes of quality time with your child every day. Remember to give your child your full attention. Practice active listening, where you listen to what your child is saying and then repeat it back to them to demonstrate that you were listening.
For some children – those in foster families or those who have suffered a trauma or the death of a loved one – the holidays may not be joyous. For others, the holidays can stir up worries or anxiety. Give them permission to talk about it if they want to, and don't avoid the difficult conversations. "I have found with some families it is on the minds of the children anyway, and they tend to follow the lead of the adult," said Nash
Special Tip: Teach mindfulness. Using color "zones" of regulation to talk about emotional tempo can help. At the Center, the staff use red, yellow, blue and green to talk about zones. "What we stress here is that you are not in trouble for your zone or mood, but it's being attuned to how you are feeling," said Nash. Red could mean angry or excited. Yellow could be a step down from red, perhaps you used a coping skill to bring your voice level down or to calm down your body movement from red. Blue could be "extra sleepy or not feeling well or sad." Green is "I'm ready to learn and am feeling ok," or "I'm flexible and adaptable and ready."
"When we have children acknowledge in a mindful way the zone they are in, it gives you a clue to use in responding to them," said Nash. "By teaching kids to be in the moment about how they feeling, we can learn how to help them the best. I might say, is there something I can do to help? Are you comfortable with the zone you are in? It helps you know how to move forward or pull back with a child." She also recommends adding other mindfulness practices, such as yoga, or breathing exercises.•
ABOUT THE CONTRIBUTOR: The Episcopal Center for Children (Center) is a nonprofit, nondenominational school and treatment program for children contending with emotional challenges from the greater Washington, D.C. metropolitan area. Accredited by the Joint Commission, the Center serves children who are 5-14 years old in grades K-8. The goal of the Center's treatment, therapeutic milieu, and individualized special education program is to empower each child to function productively within his or her family and community. Building on strengths within children, the Center partners with families in treatment and focuses on enabling its students to access and become their best possible selves. More information is available at eccofdc.org and on Twitter and Facebook @ECCofDC.