Another Perspective

SHELLY HUHTANEN

Broden taught me a great lesson this year during Halloween. Just because something makes sense to other people, doesn't mean we have to do it if doesn't make sense to us.

Halloween was here. Bags of candy were bought and dumped into bowls on the table to give out that evening. It was that time of year when skeletons and ghosts were put on display in front yards and the main topic of discussion was what costume everyone was going to wear this year. Halloween parties were already on the calendar, for adults and children. I'll admit. I'm sort of a Halloween party pooper. I like to decorate for Harvest with pumpkins and bales of hay in my front yard. You won't see graves dug into my yard with spooky witches cackling by my front door. Those spectacles are for the Halloween enthusiasts down the street.

Even though I don't own a smoke machine and a tube of fake blood with vampire teeth, I still try. Since Broden was a toddler, we have dressed him up and taken him trick or treating. One year we made it to two houses and then he started to scream. After that experience, our tradition was to let Broden sit out trick or treating while Hayden ran around the neighborhood to celebrate. Mark or I would pass out candy so we would not be left with five bags of chocolate to eat through the rest of holidays. I will neither admit nor deny that this year, a few Butterfingers were coincidentally stashed in our pantry for later. Now that Broden is 12 years old, I thought this year would be the last year to really try as far as Halloween was concerned. We have horror stories of putting helmets on Broden or furry costumes with headpieces, so I thought I would keep it simple this time around – he dressed up as a basketball player. One of Hayden's old basketball uniforms fit Broden quite well. The uniform looked comfortable, so I thought it would be a good choice.

That afternoon, I met Broden at his autism clinic to spend time with him at their Halloween party. His clinic loves to celebrate and create a fun experiences for the kids. Tables were littered with food and the room was filled with opportunities to play games. I thought this would be our year. This year, Halloween was going to be a success. I dragged Broden over to the first game. The point of the game was to toss the rings onto the witch hats laying on the floor. I demonstrated for Broden a few times and explained to him that it's all in the wrist, "Just toss the rings and catch the point of the hat." I gave a few rings to Broden for him to try. Unenthused, he took all three rings, walked over to one of the hats and placed them on the hat. His face was priceless, "Why are you trying to toss them when you can just walk over and put them on the hat?" We weren't going to stop there. Everyone loves cornhole. How can you go wrong with cornhole? His tutor and I explained the game to him and we tossed a few beanbags towards the wooden boxes that had holes in them. "Broden, just toss the bag towards the box and try to get the bag in the hole." Surely this would be the game that would keep him interested. Broden threw a few and looked uninterested. We gave him one more bag to try, "C'mon Broden. Throw it a little harder." Broden took the bag and chucked it at a kid walking by and hit him in the arm. He looked over at us annoyingly, "Well, I hit someone. Am I done?" I walked over and gave him a high five, "You got two points for hitting someone. Good job." At this point it was official. I knew this Halloween thing was not his jam.

As we walked next door to relax on his favorite couch, I tried to think of the holiday from his perspective. Basically, for years we've been asking him to walk door to door to people that he didn't know, to say "trick or treat," and then take the candy they gave him. Since he can't have dairy or gluten, he wouldn't be able to eat 80% of the candy once he dragged them home. By the way, while he was doing this, we wanted him to dress up in costumes that made him sweat or were too itchy to wear. As if that wasn't enough, I dragged him to a party and asked him to throw rings on a witch hat when it was just easier to squat and place them on the hat. I brought bean bags to him and told him to throw them in a hole when it was probably more gratifying to hit someone and watch them flinch and say, "Ouch!" Now I look at it that way – Broden was right. I turned to him and asked, "You want to go home? I can just give you a bag of gummies that you can eat in our bedroom." He smiled and followed me to the car. Broden taught me a great lesson this year during Halloween. Just because something makes sense to other people, doesn't mean we have to do it if doesn't make sense to us. •

PUZZLES & CAMO Shelly Huhtanen is an Army wife stationed at Fort Benning, GA who has a child with autism. She enjoys sharing her experiences of day-to-day life caring for her son with autism while serving as an Army spouse. She authored "Giving a Voice to the Silent Many" that encompasses many stories of raising a child with autism in the military. Shelly is passionate about autism advocacy for our military and works to bring awareness to our local legislators and command about providing better support for our military autism community, such as better health care and education.