WHY SAYING GOODBYE IS BEST FOR YOUR CAMPER AND FOR YOU

When we take a step back, we are often inspired by our own children who are bold every day, if not every few minutes. Many of them are challenged to communicate, make friends or even get around this inaccessible world, and they are pushing past those challenges.

WE MADE IT.

My son, who had just turned nine years old, and I arrived in Texas, hand in hand. One breath after the next, I told myself. We were greeted by a local friend, hopped in his car and took the hour drive out into the middle of the heat absorbed desert. As we passed one sign after the next, I could see my son's eyes light up. Just breathe, I thought.

We slowly drove under the sign, directing us into the property. Am I breathing? It must be the heat. We waited in line, car after car. It made my breathing more difficult. And, as we passed the pool, the lake, the horses, the dining hall – all very familiar features for my profession—the pit in my stomach grew larger. He's going to have a great time, he can do this… you can do this. We made it to the center, a large field where counselors jumped, chanted and sang. We got out of the car, handed his possessions for the next three weeks over and an 18 year old looked at me."That's it, Mom. Say your goodbyes," he told me. And just like that, I had turned my son's life over to another child, if just a bit older. Breathe, breathe, tear, breathe. I have been asking parents of children with special needs to send their children to camp with me and other high school and college counselors for 15 years. Not to mention, when I was first in charge of the program that I asked parents to send their often-fragile children to, I was just 19. It should have been easy for me, the Camp Director turned Executive Director, to send her own child to camp, one would assume.

ROOM TO GROW: Whether it's the first day of school, a new babysitter or the first time at overnight camp, it can feel unnatural for us to separate from the souls we know best and let them enter into opportunities of independence.

INDEPENDENCE DAYS: It is humbling as a parent to come to the realization that all children, regardless of their needs, need time to disconnect from their home, their families, their moms in order to connect with others.

Whether it's the first day of school, a new babysitter or the first time at overnight camp, it can feel unnatural for us to separate from the souls we know best and let them enter into opportunities of independence. But, after 15 years of watching children and young adults of all needs separate, I can share with absolute certainty that the opportunity is not only incredibly beneficial for the camper, but also for the parent or caregiver. Whether it is a date night with a spouse for the first time in weeks, months or years, a leisurely trip to the store or a vacation out of town, it is imperative that parents and caregivers of individuals with special needs receive a time of respite.

The first step to letting go is just that, doing it.

I had a mom tell me that on the first day of camp registration she got online and immediately signed up her daughter for her first week of overnight camp. Ever since then, she has secondguessed that decision. But she did it, and I believe her daughter will thrive this summer. It is humbling as a parent to come to the realization that we cannot be all things to our children. The truth can often hurt, and the truth is that all children, regardless of their needs, need time to disconnect from their home, their families, their moms in order to connect with others. It's the way children learn to navigate the world—through meaningful connections.

The next step is setting up a plan.

Whether it is mapping out a new restaurant to try, movies to see, a friend to meet or a trip to go on, make a plan to be busy while your child is gone, even if you are at home or working. When we do not plan ahead, we can tend to obsess and think too often about what "could" be happening with our child at camp. Trust in your camp and its staff that they are serving your child to the best of their ability. Nothing is more of a privilege than offering parents a respite and the opportunity to turn off their 24/7 caretaker role, if only for a few days.

Take time with others.

Our children can be our main excuse, often for good reason, for not connecting with others and building the friendships that are needed for us to survive. Take intentional time to connect with old friends, new friends or family members. One of our grandmothers at ESP who is raising two boys with disabilities always goes to the mountains with her sister during overnight camp. She comes to pick up the boys beaming, refueled and refreshed by the beauty of her vacation and special time with her sister.

Take time for just you.

Take time for just you. Motherhood is many of our favorite roles, but it can often times be our only role. You may want to think about finding a place for other siblings to go during camp week, as well, so you can have one time of the year for solitude. During the week away from your child, take time to reflect on who you are, who you want to be. Take time to reflect by journaling, taking a walk or take a yoga class. This precious and needed time, if you let it, can be a yearly "reset" button for you. Your children need you to be refreshed.

Be Bold. Do something you would not do if your child was there.

Lastly, take a moment to do something you would not do while your child is with you. It does not have to be bungee jumping—it could be as simple as going out on a date if you are single or reaching out to a new friend. It could be taking a trip or purging your house. What is one thing you have wanted to do that you haven't been able to do because you are caretaking? Everything that matters requires boldness. You are a special needs parent, you know how to be bold. Find something that is a little off the ledge for you and take this time to do it.

After all, when we take a step back, we are often inspired by our own children who are bold every day, if not every few minutes. Many of them are challenged to communicate, make friends or even get around this inaccessible world, and they are pushing past those challenges. From my seat, I have the unique view of watching both the parent and the campers benefit from camp. The parents and caregivers I have seen follow their campers' lead have benefited greatly. I love hearing Heather, the mother of Colin, share her story with other new moms. She shares about her first year dropping off her son when I had to tearfully (and carefully) peel her away. Colin, on the other hand, was right at home. Ten years later it is still his favorite week of the year, and Colin beams as he shares his excitement for overnight camp. To him, it's like Disney World, "but better, because Mom is not there!" And Mom, totally unoffended happily shares that it is also her favorite week – a week to rest, reflect and reconnect with friends and family. As I left Texas and continued my trek back to Georgia, I knew I had made the best decision for me and for my son. From the moment he was picked up until the moment we drop him off again this summer, he will think about overnight camp and dream of summer days. As for me, while I still do not love dropping him off, I know that he needs it. And, more important, I have realized that I need it too. •

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Laura Whitaker began as a volunteer at ESP in 2003. With her passion for enhancing the lives of children with developmental disabilities and her specialized education in this field, Laura was selected as the executive director after the founder, Martha Wyllie's sudden passing in 2004. As Executive Director, Laura uses her leadership and management strengths to manage staff, oversee year-round programs and summer camps and raise millions of dollars for the organization. Her favorite part of the job is getting to hug the many children who walk through the ESP doors. For more information on ESP, visit extraspecialpeople.com.