The Mother Shuffle
Moms raising children with special needs still choose to work on challenging behaviors and sit through IEP meetings to ensure their children receive what they deserve. We will take our child to the doctor when they are sick, but will not take ourselves until it is too severe to ignore.
Today was a typical day for me. I got up at 5:45am to have about 35 minutes of alone time with my bowl of coffee. A cup doesn't do it anymore, only a bowl will do. I need this time to myself and everyone in my family knows that for those 35 minutes, it is best for me to be left alone. Our dog, Bo, even knows I need this time. This morning, once I sat on our old couch with a cushion that has been used so often it has formed a silhouette of my tush, Bo slid into his kennel to sleep for another 30 minutes or so.
Once 6:20 am rolled around, I started to get Hayden out of bed and prodded him through his routine to get to school. Then I rubbed Broden's back and rolled him out of bed to get his slippers on. When Mark can't be back from PT in time, Broden comes with me to take Hayden to school. After Hayden was dropped off this morning, I drove back with Broden and got him ready for school and made his lunch. Once he was off to school at 9 am, my day consisted of running errands. It was a great day because I got a decent workout. It's an even greater day, if I squeeze in a 45 a minute nap. The nap didn't happen today, but I will take what I can get.
Once 2:20 pm hit, I was back in the car picking up Hayden from school, and then spent about 45 minutes of quality time with just the two of us. I consider that a special time for Hayden and me because I understand that it's tough being a sibling to a child with autism. It may be a visit to Game Stop so he can spend money he has earned through babysitting, or sitting at a coffee shop at Barnes & Noble while he tries to convince me homework is overrated. It may look different each day, but one thing is certain—it's our time together where I can focus on just him.
After my special time with Hayden, I picked up Broden. I spent some time with his para so I could get the scoop on his day. I got updates on how well he ate, being excited over having zero behavior and being told he played well with his friends while playing catch. I buckled Broden in and trekked home for the day. By that time, it was 4:30 pm and I had put over 70 miles on my vehicle. With my ID card in one hand and me chucking my empty water bottle in the front passenger seat, I rolled down the window and gave the gate guard my ID card. He looked at my card and said, "Welcome to Fort Benning." I grunted because I hear that at least four times a day going into the gate. As I grabbed my card out of his hand, he looked up with a big smile and said, "Oh yeah. Happy Mother's Day!" I put my foot back on the brake looked up and replied, "Thank you."
UNGUARDED MOMENT: "Welcome to Fort Benning," said the gate guard. I grunted as I grabbed my card out of his hand, but then he looked up with a big smile and said, "Oh yeah. Happy Mother's Day!" I put my foot back on the brake looked up and replied, "Thank you."
After hearing his sentiment, I started to think about all the mothers out there that choose to get up every morning and start over again. We get in the car and take our children to school rain or shine, sick or well. Moms raising children with special needs still choose to work on challenging behaviors and sit through IEP meetings to ensure their children receive what they deserve. We will take our child to the doctor when they are sick, but will not take ourselves until it is too severe to ignore. To the moms out there who are tired and feel they are not appreciated, I see you. To the moms who are fighting for better health care and education for your child, I see you. To the moms who feel isolated and alone because their child has a severe disability, I see you. To the moms who wonder if it will ever get any easier, I see you.
Children are not born with instruction manuals. They are given a caretaker who makes the choice to give, a caretaker who makes the choice to love their child for who they are. So, from me to you, "Happy Mother's Day."•