The Unknown
I realized after listening to her that transitions are hard, period. Just because I am transitioning with a child with autism, doesn't mean I'm the only one who has to make hard decisions. I'm just like every Mom who is worried about their children to some degree.
"Do you know where you're going yet?" This is a question that is being asked as we get closer to the season of moving. Some people know where they are going, but some still have no idea. There are families who know where they are moving in 2019, but still have no idea if they will live in another location for one year before making that move. If there is any time to feel that military life is unique, this is the time. For the last month, I don't think I've had a conversation with another fellow Army spouse without talking about the question of where everyone is headed next. What's so fascinating about it is that everyone is handling the concept of moving so differently. I think it's because, yet again, we are venturing into the unknown. We are reminding ourselves that we do not have control over what will be waiting for us on the horizon and, to be honest, some of us are a little scared and uneasy about it.
it. With our son, Broden, still needing ABA services and continuing school with an IEP, moving is more complicated. Spouses who are moving this summer will talk about similar issues, but when I mention Broden's situation and his needs, they silently stare back at me and are usually at a loss for words. Maybe they are thinking, "better her than me" – because the thought of trying to find services every two years is exhausting. To be honest, if the tables were turned, I would be thinking the same thing. A few days ago, I took tions about part in a Spouse Panel to give young Army spouses an opportunity to ask ques tions about part in a Spouse Panel to give young Army spouses an opportunity to ask questips on FRG (Family Readiness Group), helping other spouses, and transition. A spouse in the group asked the panel a question that was pretty powerful. She asked, "How do you transition from post to post without your children resenting you?" I remember there being a pause as the panel gathered their thoughts. The question was quite blunt, and it forced us on the panel to figure out how we were going to respond gently but keep our composure, because it was something we all wrestle with daily.
As I sat there and nervously tapped my toe, trying to figure out how I would answer the question, my friend sitting to my left was brave enough to answer. She told the audience that she had moved 16 times. You could hear gasps from the young spouses trying to process the idea
of moving 16 times with two children. She started to tear up and say that both of her children were so different, one being an extrovert and the other being an introvert. She looked at the spouses and said, "We do the best we can and that is all we can do." At one point, they made a conscious decision to separate the family so her son could thrive in high school, since he was not enjoying where he was currently. She said it was a difficult decision, but it was one that needed to be made and they had to give their son what he needed. She stressed that every situation is different and every child is different. As parents, we can only look at what is best for our child at that moment in their life, and if it means looking outside of the norm for options, then sometimes that may be the only way.
"There are some things we can't avoid, no matter how hard we try. Sometimes we can't go around it, we just have to go through it. When we go through it and make it to the other side, we are stronger because of it."
I realized after listening to her that transitions are hard, period. Just because I am transitioning with a child with autism, doesn't mean I'm the only one
t like every Mom who is worried about their children to some degree. I'm scared of the unknown, yet again. I thought I had figured this out by now, after moving several times. But it doesn't get any easier. I am not the only one going through it, because a lot of my friends are going through it too. I found that I was equating the unknown to not having control. I was equating this to pain and that our family would automatically be unhappy, and that was the inevitable outcome. I'm starting to tell myself that we are more experienced than we were three years ago. There are some things we can't avoid, no matter how hard we try. Sometimes we can't go around it, we just have to go through it. When we go through it and make it to the other side, we are stronger because of it. • PUZZLES & CAMO Shelley Huhtanen is an Army wife with two children, one with autism, whose husband is currently stationed at Fort Benning, GA. She is an autism advocate and currently the parent liaison for the Academy for Exceptional Learners. who has to make hard decisions. I'm just like every Mom who is worried about their children to some degree. I'm scared of the unknown, yet again. I thought I had figured this out by now, after moving several times. But it doesn't get any easier. I am not the only one going through it, because a lot of my friends are going through it too. I found that I was equating the unknown to not having control. I was equating this to pain and that our family would automatically be unhappy, and that was the inevitable outcome. I'm starting to tell myself that we are more experienced than we were three years ago. There are some things we can't avoid, no matter how hard we try. Sometimes we can't go around it, we just have to go through it. When we go through it and make it to the other side, we are stronger because of it. •