OUR JOURNEY IN CAMO SHELLY HUHTANEN

Like a Snowflake

Broden looked to the left to see me sitting in his chair and smiled. I smiled back, "Good morning." Continuing to smile, he said back, "Morning." That was a moment.

I heard that our brains are like snowflakes. They are so unique that you could say they are truly one of a kind. I teach at the University of South Carolina. My academic background is human communication. At the beginning of each semester, my students usually widen their eyes when I tell them about my family and include that my son has autism. After noticing their facial expression, I usually say, "Yea, I study human communication and I have a son who has severe autism with the inability to tell me how he feels or engage in conversation." Sometimes I feel like a version of Mr. Holland's Opus, a movie starring Richard Dreyfuss who had a passion for music and also had a son that was deaf. Over the years, I have openly talked with my class about how I've observed Broden's behavior while trying to understand what he's thinking.

After spending some time trying to make sense out of Broden's autism, I've come to realize that my life with him is not a straight line with a certain destination in sight. It is a journey created by moments in time. The journey will be what it will be, and I tell myself that the destination will arrive when it's supposed to arrive. Each moment has meaning for me. Whether it's good or bad, it's there to experience. Sometimes I feel like we live in a world where we must be happy all the time. If we're sad, angry, or feel anxiety, then something is wrong with us. It almost feels like we run away from some of those feelings and do not realize that sometimes it's ok to be in that space. Sometimes it's ok to be scared, and sometimes it's ok to admit that you don't know what is going to happen next.

Mark rushed into the kitchen one evening after work. I was in the kitchen finishing up Broden's dinner. Broden kept pacing around me waiting for his dinner. "Broden, your hamburger has 10 minutes left in the air fryer. You can eat once it cools off." Mark dropped his phones on the counter and his backpack on the floor, "Broden keeps pushing up his dinner time. If we do that, then he'll eat too early and then will be hungry in the middle of the night." I took a deep breath and thought to myself, "Ah, another problem to solve and an issue to worry about." I responded, "Remember when we worried that he wasn't drinking enough water? Now he takes cups of water out of our hands and drinks it." Mark fell silent and then said, "Maybe he needs to snack. How do we get him to start eating a snack after clinic?" "I can offer, but if he doesn't want one, I'll have to honor it," I responded. Mark's work phone rang and then he scurried off to answer it.

MOMENT BY MOMENT: "I will continue to revel in the surprises Broden leaves for me each day, like how he layers his 'papaw pants,' as well as the many other fascinating things he does each day."