SHORING UP UNDER PRESSURE: Susana Ruiz with her youngest son Santiago. Santiago's condition has made her family and others around him more accepting of differences, and his outgoing demeanor brightens up people's day.

Susana Ruiz sat in the doctor's exam room, unable to smile, open her right eye, or even take a sip of water.

"The only way this is going to remedy is if you take care of yourself," the doctor told her sternly. "You can't take care of anybody else right now."

It was 2014, and for several months, Ruiz' sole focus had been on her 2-year-old son, Santiago. Ruiz wanted to do everything she could for her little boy, who had recently been diagnosed with autism. She sought out services, drove him to specialists, pored over autism research, and tried to manage his challenging behaviors, while also caring for her older son. She felt sad and exhausted, but pushed herself to keep going.

That is, until the right side of her face became paralyzed, a temporary condition known as Bell's Palsy. The doctor attributed it to stress.

"That pivoted my experience," Ruiz said. "I had to get tools to learn how to manage the stress that I was dealing with."

Caring for children with special needs, whether they have a developmental disorder like autism, a physical disability, a chronic medical condition or a combina

tion of these, is demanding work. Without adequate support or rest, parents can end up feeling depleted and alone. Some, like Ruiz, develop physical or mental health problems. The solution, according to experts who work with families and parents who have faced these challenges, is to reach out for help, connect with other families of children with disabilities, and prioritize selfcare.

"The buildup of stress and care exhaustion is really very common," said Maria Daane, executive director of Parents Helping Parents, a support center for parents of children with disabilities, "Raising a child with a disability is a marathon. If we as caregivers don't practice self-care, it's very difficult to do what we do for our children."

The stress of caring for a child with disabilities goes beyond the caregiving itself. Navigating the complexities of the medical system, disability programs, public benefits and special education can be overwhelming, and can be even more if a caregivers' first language isn't English. Many parents

TAKE IT EASY : TIPS FOR MANAGING STRESS

PRACTICE SELF-CARE

This means taking care of your own wellbeing by doing things that help you feel more rested and energized. This includes eating well, getting enough sleep, and doing restorative activities. This can include taking a few moments to breathe and be still during the day, or moving your body by going for a walk, dancing around your living room or practicing yoga. “Take it easy on yourself,” Daane advises. “Stop and take a breath. None of us can do it all, all the time.”

FIND SUPPORT

There are organizations across the country that offer resources and information for families caring for children with disabilities. Some, such as Parents Helping Parents, offer one-on-one guidance, often from parents who have raised a child with disabilities. Many also run in-person and online support groups for parents.

SHIFT YOUR MINDSET

Ruiz offered this recommendation for parents who feel stuck in negative thoughts about their child's condition or their ability to care for them. She recommends trying to find positive things to focus on, such as a small improvement in your child or small accomplishments. Think about the gifts that your child brings to your family and community. For example, Ruiz said Santiago's condition has made her family and others around him more accepting of differences, and that his outgoing demeanor brightens up people's day.