son got older." I don't know. Maybe the medical field was generalizing people with autism. Maybe Broden's pediatric team didn't know enough about autism to truly assess his capabilities and what to expect 15 to 20 years down the road. I don't know if we really know now.

A few days ago, I Googled “What happens when your child with autism turns 21 years old?” I was curious what the search would provide, and frankly, in some twisted way I was hoping that “Fortune Teller Google” would be as lucrative in information as “Dr. Google” is every time I have an ache or pain. Well, “Fortune Teller Google” was as predictable as a real-life fortune teller. The search didn’t tell me anything new. In a nutshell, the smart thing to do is to plan. Mark and I need to plan financially for Broden’s care, plan for Mark and me to die, and find a group home or family member to take care of him after we die. I laughed, “Oh ok, sounds pretty straight forward to me.” The thing is, it sounds easy, but it’s not.

"All I can do is tell a friend with a younger child with autism is to grab the back of my shirt, 'Hang on. It's scary, but I'll do my best to help you plow a way forward.'"

Alone, it seems scary, and I become filled with anxiety and worry. Then I remind myself that I have grabbed the back of my friend's shirt while she whacks away at the intimidating and overwhelming forest of uncertainty that lay before us. I am not alone as we edge closer to this cliff, where there are no answers, no services, and no ABA insurance coverage. Severe autism is a unique landscape with challenges that are difficult to explain to those who do not care for those with the diagnosis. As Mark and I tread through the swamp of guardianship and applying for Medicaid, we remind each other that we need to comfort one another, because it's ok to be scared. Mark asked me last week, "How much is a lawyer going to cost to help work through all this paperwork for us to

apply for Medicaid?" I just shook my head, "I don't know." Honestly, I'm getting comfortable with not knowing much these days.

After chewing on the idea of starting the application process for Medicaid, we sighed and knew that we are behind the curve. Since we are a military family, we usually aren’t in a state long enough to start the Medicaid process, and honestly, not until recently did we truly know that we could retire here. There was still a slight possibility that we would have one more move. Now we know we can start the process. If we could do it all over again, we should have started this process around three years ago.

We don't have time to play the "what if" game. We must keep pushing through, planning and deciding what our next move is to ensure Broden is cared for with appropriate supports in place. In my mind, I'm holding Mark's hand tight in the darkness and I'm grabbing a hold of the back of my friend's shirt. All I can do is tell a friend with a younger child with autism is to grab the back of my shirt, "Hang on. It's scary, but I'll do my best to help you plow a way forward." It's the least I can do, because in the end it's the village around us that will help us get there. •

OUR JOURNEY IN CAMO

Shelly Huhtanen is an Army wife stationed at Fort Jackson, SC. She enjoys sharing her experiences of her day-to-day life caring for her son with autism. Shelly authored Giving a Voice to the Silent Many that encompasses many stories of raising a child with autism in the military. She also teaches Public Communication at the University of South Carolina and has contributed to EP Magazine for over 10 years.

Special needs require SpecialCare.

When you're ready, we're here to help. MassMutual's SpecialCare program provides access to information, specialists and financial products and services to help families facing the financial responsibilities of raising a child with a disability or other special needs. To learn more about how a financial professional can help your family, visit MassMutual.com/SpecialCare.

Insurance. Retirement. Planning.

MassMutual SpecialCare

Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company (MassMutual® ), Springfield, MA 01111-0001. Insurance products issued by Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company (MassMutual), Springfield, MA 01111, and its affiliated US insurance companies. Securities and investment advisory services offered through MML Investors Services, LLC, Member SIPC® and a MassMutual subsidiary. ©2023 Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company (MassMutual® MassMutual.com. SC117 1222 ), Springfield, MA 01111-0001. All rights reserved. MM202512-303748