SUB PLOT: "I substituted 4th grade at Eastbluff Elementary. Subbing and student teaching has changed my life. I feel accepted as I do what gives me joy — to teach and encourage the next generation. On this day, all the students kept chanting 'best sub.' My second book, which is all about my mission to be a teacher (including the gripping story of student teaching and the amazing accounts of substitute teaching) is currently set to be published later this year."

When I was three, I was diagnosed with a speech delay. At age four, it was recommended for me to be enrolled in the Preschool Intervention Program. However, at age six, upon further testing, I was formally diagnosed with "Asperger's Syndrome" under DSM IV.

From preschool to second grade, I was pretty much learning how the world works. I made some friends, but I could not understand why other classmates did not seem to like me. I remember walking by the swing set one day in kindergarten and hearing two classmates yelling at me, 

“Go away, Matthew!” and “You’re not our friend!” In class, I endeavored to fit in. I jumped into a game that seemed to be getting popular, since a lot of my classmates were joining it. At first, the leader was happy that I joined. Inside me, I did not understand the fun of the game, but I pretended to have fun anyway. Suddenly, that leader completely changed. Inside class or outside, whenever I jumped in, she yelled loudly at me, “You’re not playing with us!” These early recollections lived with me as I grew older. I could not understand for the life of me what it was about me to get those reactions. I never did anything wrong to them. 

At that particular school, I was in special classes. However, for three years, I would spend parts of my day in a regular classroom. They were testing whether or not I could be mainstreamed. I was mainstreamed in third grade, when I switched schools. From third grade to sixth grade, I had pull-outs for speech therapy and R.S.P. (Resource Specialist Program). My mother was a number-one advocate for me to my teachers, and my teachers were very supportive of me, helping me fit in. For instance, on the first day of third grade, my teacher introduced me to everybody, including his previous year’s class.

I began making many more friends, but still, the ominous cloud of teasing and discrimination continued to follow me. It was hard to fit in since I had different interests and different ideas of fun. I was not the type of child who likes screaming and jumping around. I did not have any interest in things like Pokémon cards, for instance. I remember sitting alone and being emotional, in a dugout one day, which caught the attention of fellow third graders who came over to console me. Some friends spent time with me, but oth

ers were more hi-and-goodbye. Other students simply wanted me to go away. One of them even chucked a handball at my face. There was one student who repeatedly call me the same name (a discriminatory word that haunts the Autistic community).

Despite the friends I had, I was very twisted inside. This lasted until high school graduation. I could not seem to put my foot forward and ask my friends if it would be possible to spend time with them. I was tired of having what was later described as "superficial friendships," where we talked a bit at school, but rarely hung out, outside of school.

At some point in my early life, I began realizing that I could not speak properly, which is why I had speech therapy. Ashamed, I assumed that was a deterrent. My mind was slow at processing information and understanding the social cues of fellow students. I took many things personally. I literally did not know what others meant. It hurt me when they began joking about it.  

“AT SOME POINT IN MY EARLY LIFE, I BEGAN REALIZING THAT I COULD NOT SPEAK PROPERLY, WHICH IS WHY I HAD SPEECH THERAPY. MY MIND WAS SLOW TO UNDERSTAND THE SOCIAL CUES OF FELLOW STUDENTS.”

I put out a few videos on YouTube recently, dedicated to Autism and social interactions. In the middle of 2022, I was interviewed for a SiriusXM radio program. One of the hosts proposed the question, whether autistic individuals are antisocial or truly want to socialize. I gave my answer, but later came up with four reasons to back up my answer. Everybody with Autism is unique, so I cannot say that this would speak for every single individual. I propose that we are not antisocial, and I made an extensive YouTube video to dispel such a myth.

One, I was simply nervous to ask my friends.  

Two, I was rarely asked by my friends to hang out with them. The rare times I was, I senselessly made up an excuse, because of reasons three and four.

Three, Could I completely trust them?

Four, what the heck would we do? I am somewhat traditional, enjoying conversations, neighborhood walks, puzzles, board games, and such. Growing up, all my friends were heavy into video games or