Every morning, I jump in the shower, and then throw on a sports bra and an old pair of running shorts. Broden is waiting for me in his bed. I point to his morning schedule and ask, "What do we do now? What does your schedule say?" He'll look over at his schedule and say, "Shower." Every morning, I'll grab his terry cloth robe and bring it in his bathroom. I'll start the water and he'll jump in the shower. He screams when he stands under the water while the shower head is attached to the wall, so I detach it once he's in the shower. After having him wash his hair and body with prompting, I rinse him off while holding the shower head in my hand. The shower head also must be on a certain setting, because he looks like he is in pain if I use another setting on the shower head.

Once the water is turned off. I give him the towel and tell him to dry off. This is a task we've been working on more recently. If I tell him to dry off his body, he will use one hand and rub the towel on his stomach, and then stop and stare at me. I place both of his hands on the towel and dry his body hand over hand. Once he's dried off, I'll hand him his robe. He has learned how to tie his belt to his robe around his waist. Thankfully, he will do that himself. After I brush his teeth, he'll put on his deodorant. There will be times that I need to look at his deodorant to prompt him to complete the task. It's a gamble as to whether he'll put his deodorant on spontaneously, or not. When he walks in his room, he grabs his clothes out of the clothes bucket that is labeled with the correct day of the week, and that is where he sits. He sets a timer for five minutes, so he has some time to himself before getting dressed. Sometimes he gets dressed and sometimes he'll wait for me to run in the room to check his status.

Amanda came to the house a week or so ago to check on his progress. As we were standing in the hallway and watching Broden slowly get dressed, I bluntly asked, "Why is he

so prompt dependent? Is it my fault? I did this to him, didn’t I?” We’ve grown close over time, and she knows me, “The easy response to you, is to tell you to wait him out, but c’mon Shelly, you have a life. You’ve got to get out the door, because Broden must be to clinic at 8:30am, and you teach college.” In so many words, she said that we were in this position due to several things that are out of our control. Broden started ABA therapy when he was twenty-six months old. ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) has evolved over the years. There used to be so much focus on compliance and trying to shape children on the spectrum, to be like typical children. Broden is so compliant, he will not walk down the hall by himself to get a game and walk back to the room where he works on skills, while his RBT (Registered Behavior Technician) waits for him. He has to be reassured that he is allowed to walk down the hall himself. Due to years of the previously mentioned therapy, I now have a seventeen-year-old who feels he doesn’t have the freedom to go get a game in another room, even when he’s told he may go. He even second guesses the person who is allowing him to do it. We’re now trying to teach him that he can have those freedoms. Amanda said, “I’m trying to teach Broden that we trust him to make decisions, and we want him to tell us what he wants. At the same time, I’m training his RBTs to trust Broden and honor what he wants.” As I stood there listening to her outside Broden’s room I finally said, “So what you’re telling me is that I did what I did for Broden based on the information that I had at the time. Now that we know more about the field of ABA, we’re 

working to undo the doing." She smiled and nodded her head.

"Sometimes, we hit it out of the park, and sometimes we go back to the drawing board. Do I have guilt or remorse for starting Broden with ABA as early as I did? No, because there are so many benefits to the therapy, when it is conducted in a way that is humane."

With the evolution of ABA, a majority of BCBAs have the greatest intentions, but it’s a journey. We learn as we go. Sometimes, we hit it out of the park, and sometimes we go back to the drawing board to see if we can do better. Do I have guilt or remorse for starting Broden with ABA as early as I did? No, because there are so many benefits to the therapy, when the therapy is conducted in a way that is humane. In my opinion, a BCBA should always listen to the parent, and should tell the parent that if they are not comfortable with the direction in which the program is going, they should speak up and the BCBA should listen and alter the plan. Looking back, there were times when I didn’t speak up when I should have, but I was led to believe that if I questioned the BCBA, then I was weak and not fully invested in my son’s potential. Now I’m wiser. We may be undoing some doing, but there is no time for regret or guilt for the path we took, because in the end, we have always done the best we could with the information and resources we had.

PUZZLES & CAMO

Shelly Huhtanen is an Army wife stationed at Fort Jackson, SC. She enjoys sharing her experiences of her day-to-day life caring for her son with autism. Shelly authored Giving a Voice to the Silent Many that encompasses many stories of raising a child with autism in the military. She also teaches Public Communication at the University of South Carolina and has contributed to EP Magazine for over 10 years.