37

LEAD AND THEY WILL FOLLOW : STARTING OFF THE SCHOOL YEAR RIGHT cont.

STAY CALM

I know, it's a lot easier said than done when your child (or children) is pushing your buttons. Practice a follow-your breath meditation, take brisk walks around the neighborhood. Do something to try and help you walk it back some, when you feel your temperature rising.

Reminding yourself to "not take the bait" can work wonders, as children love baiting the hook to try and get the things they want (such as avoiding school work and playing more on screens). Children love baiting parents.

RESPONDING TO THE WHINING

Excessive whining often accompanies homework or any independent tasks that are given to the child.

The refrain goes something like this (while the child is rolling around on the floor), "I hate school. It's so boring and it's not fun," followed by a mild, moderate or severe tantrum.

Seemingly, the only thing that can calm it down is access to some type of screen, such as an iPad, Xbox or cell phone. It's a version of giving the baby it's bottle to calm the baby down.

While you are deep breathing and repeating your mantra, have a ready answer that you can repeat often when the child starts complaining about school and homework. Try shrugging your shoulders and acknowledging the child's feelings: with the child — "I hear you. You feel like homework is boring." That's it. What else can you say?

FINDING THE GOLDILOCKS PRINCIPLE

For those of you who remember Goldilocks and the Three Bears (if not, Google it), Goldilocks taste-tested the bear's soup to see if it was too hot, too cold, or just right.

Parental homework involvement should follow the "Goldilock's principle." If you're in too deep, then you're likely doing 90% of the child's work (while they check their phones and Apple watches). If you go to the other extreme or, are too cold (especially if your child has a learning problem), they probably need a bit more support than you are offering. Find that middle point where you are not in too hot or too cold. Just right is what you should look for.

As a guideline, I like to tell parents to be 10% involved with the child's academic work. Much more than that is probably too hot.

REMEMBER, SCREENS ARE AN EARNED PRIVILEGE

Unless the child somehow is paying for the internet, his cell phone and iPad, then access to these are all privileges.

Keep asking yourself (on a daily basis), has your child earned the privilege of access to these. Too many children view their accessibility as a right — “I breathe, therefore I get my phone and iPad.”

Bring a better dose of reality to their brains. That is, "You give and you get." It's that simple.

Don't overcomplicate things. Lay out the rules as to how homework and other academic tasks will go. You are in charge of overseeing it.

If there is good faith effort, then a nice green check can go on the calendar (get an old school or other calendar and put it on the wall, not an App or other such thing on your phone).

Convey to your child that if the green check goes on the calendar, then the evening is free play. If there is no green check on the calendar, then you have not earned screens and it's going to be a very boring night. No punishments. No yelling. Just clarity.

There it is - The Selznickian Tips for a great school year.

NOTE: DIFFERENCES BETWEEN IEP AND 504 PLANS

An IEP (Individual Education Plan) is provided once it has been determined that a student is eligible to be classified in special education. There are 13 possible categories based on Federal Law under IDEA (Individuals with Disability Education Act). Each state interprets the Federal code differently. Once classified in special education, an individual can receive direct services, as well as accommodations.

A 504 is part of ADA (Americans With Disability Act) and is typically generated once an outside medical practitioner has

found the child to have a disabling condition. By far, the largest number of students receiving a 504 are diagnosed with ADHD. It is important to understand that a 504 does not provide direct services, but offers only accommodations (e.g., extended time).

There is a "lower bar" standard to obtain a 504, as the special education team is not required to perform an evaluation to determine eligibility. Often a letter from the child's physician is sufficient in generating a 504. This would not be the case with an IEP. •

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: