Identify your triggers. Anger is fear. Probably one of the most important skills that is important in reducing anger is learning to identify situations that bring fear and understanding how you are reacting to what is taking place. The issue is not always what someone else did, it also comes with the emotions of how someone made you feel. If you are continuously being disrespected at work, you may take serious offense to a simple misunderstanding by someone who has nothing to do with the hostile environment and damage an otherwise good relationship, because you are afraid to confront the larger issue of workplace bullying. I had to learn to use a number scale to track my anger. I know it takes a while for me to get to a 6 on my trigger meter, but I also know that once I am a 6, it does not take much more to get me to 10. I am going to use any skill that positively helps to communicate what I am feeling when I get to about a 4, to solve any potential issues before they become a problem. That is why you must know what your triggers are so they can be avoided as much as possible. (I had to take anger management twice to figure that out.)

Nonviolent communication. Nonviolent communication is a practice developed by Marshall Rosenberg, PhD and breaks down your feelings in needs being met or not. When needs are not being met, the fear you have causes angry feelings to continue until they explode. It basically comes down to how you feel and how to express that feeling in a way that brings solutions to everyone involved, so that they feel heard. Check out Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg; that book is a life saver.

Breathing and meditation. There is a spiritual aspect to anger management that often goes overlooked. You have to go deeper inside to figure out why you are angry. The answers to your anger are within you, and only you have the keys to unlock that answer. If you are living with the wounds of abandonment, you might be anxious if someone stands you up and become angry. You may be upset because they did not value your time, but in truth, issues with abandonment are being trig

MEANINGFUL MOMENTS: Many people worry that you must spend hours on end in the lotus position, but five to ten minutes twice a day is ideal in a daily practice and will do wonders for your well-being.

gered. It is up to you to breathe through that moment, to understand that difference. Whether you were betrayed by someone close to you or a stranger rearended your brand-new vehicle, making the time to meditate and breathe can give you time to react and find a suitable solution for everyone involved. Many people worry that you must spend hours on end in the lotus position, but studies have shown five to ten minutes to quiet your mind, twice a day is ideal in a daily practice and will do wonders for your wellbeing. Do not worry if it takes a while to do this and your mind still wanders. If you build it, it will come. •

The next excerpt in this series will appear in the March 2023 issue of EP Magazine.

ABOUT THE AUTHORS:

The Rev. Bernice "Doc Bunny" Sykes, Ph.D. is a U.S. Army veteran and a Holistic Life Coach specializing in Spiritual Leadership, Restorative Justice, creating Healthy Workplaces, and Reputation Management. She also is a School Choice Advocate and host of Doc Bunny's Big Show, Doc Bunny's Sunday Funday and Doc Bunny's Power Lunch. Visit @docbunnysbigshow

Nick Benas grew up in Guilford, Connecticut. The author of Mental Health Emergencies, Warrior Wisdom, Tactical Mobility, and co-author of The Warrior's Book of Virtues, Benas is a former United States Marine Sergeant and Iraqi Combat Veteran with a background in Martial Arts (2nd Dan Black Belt in Tae Kwon-Do and Green Belt Instructor in Marine Corps Martial Arts Program). Nick attended Southern Connecticut State University for his undergraduate degree in Sociology and his M.S. in Public Policy. He has been featured for his business success and entrepreneurship by more than 50 major media outlets, including Entrepreneur Magazine, Men's Health, ABC, FOX, ESPN, and CNBC.

Richard "Buzz" Bryan is currently the Outreach Coordinator for the West Palm Beach VA medical center. The co-author of The Warrior's Book of Virtues, Buzz previously served as the OEF/OIF Transition Patient Advocate (TPA) for the Veterans Integrated Service Network (VISN4) based in Pittsburgh, PA for ten years, working specifically with Iraq and Afghanistan veterans. Buzz was a member of the Navy/Marine Corps team and retired from the United States Navy in July 2011 after 22 years of honorable service as a Fleet Marine Force Senior Chief Hospital