SUCCESS & HAPPINESS

BY TROY DOUCET

Every parent wants the best for their children. We want them to find happiness and success in their life. We want them to grow up to achieve great things and have valuable experiences.

All these things are possible for every child, including every autistic child. Disabilities aside, every child can grow up to find happiness and success in their life. It comes down to what we value and how we measure it.

If we think about happiness as living a meaningful life surrounded by those we love, then every child can find it, no matter their disability. A child does not need to be rich or famous to feel loved. A smile and kind words can provide all the happiness in the world.

Conversely, it is hard to find happiness if it is always out of reach. If we set the goalpost at one point and reach it, what do we tend to do? We move the goalpost a little further. We end up chasing happiness rather than living life as we find it. If we set the goal at perfect, we can't expect to obtain it.

As an autistic child (later diagnosed at 42), I found it frustrating when adults encouraged me me to act more neurotypical, versus accepting my neurodivergence. An example is suggestion after suggestion on how I could act differently to stop being bullied. While the adults meant well, the problem was with the bully, not with me. Growing up, I would have appreciated more support for my strengths, and fewer attempts to change weaknesses that were beyond my control.

A good starting point to helping any child find happiness and success is to accept their strengths and weaknesses as they are. We can still challenge our kids to be better people, but we can also focus our efforts on their strengths. Rather than setting goals against what might never be (or focusing/working on weaknesses), we can build them up through improving on existing strengths.

For a closer relationship, I recommend learning about your autistic child's special interest. It could be trucks, bugs, or dinosaurs. It doesn't matter what their interest is, it only matters that you have taken the time to learn about it. Ask questions and interact with them about the subject that they care most about. They will feel loved, value your interest, and bring you closer together. They will probably also pick up some valuable communication skills while they are at it.

Lastly, as you think about happiness and success for your loved one, remember to listen to their hopes and dreams. Work with their strengths to help them achieve what they want in life. This may not be a perfect, typical, or idealized version of that dream. But finding happiness is not about finding perfection. It is about pursuing a meaningful life with the people we love. •

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

As an autistic person, Troy Doucet focuses on helping broaden society's understanding and acceptance of neurodiverse people. He talks about his experiences with autism to help normalize the inclusion of neurodiverse people in business and society. He is an attorney, lives in Ohio, and is married with three daughters. He can be reached at troydoucet.com

FOSSIL FUEL: Learn about your autistic child's special interest. Ask questions and interact with them about the subject that they care most about. They will feel loved, value your interest, and bring you closer together.