CREATING RESILIENCE IN CHILDREN

BY ALI GRECO, PSYD

Trauma response is how we remember traumatic events. We remember in our bodies, in our minds, in our dreams, and our waking life. Our ability to process that experience is at the foundation of recovering. Relying on strong bonds with caretakers, using their strength and comfort, and finding ways to recall the story of the trauma in a way that creates meaning, can help children of every developmental stage recover and build resilience for the future.

My son was asked to write a short story about an impactful event in his life for a school project. He surprised me by writing about almost being hit by a car when he was 3, an event he had never referenced, and I had no idea had been so meaningful to him as he looked back on his life, so far. In his retelling, as we were getting him into the car for preschool, he decided to run away down the sidewalk. I ran after him yelling, to get him to stop, and inches from being hit by a car backing down their driveway, I scooped him up and saved him. He recalls my crying and how terrified I looked. He wasn’t sure what had just happened, just that I was reacting really

strongly. It was that reaction that left an impression, that stayed with him as he matured.

As a child with autism, my son wasn’t speaking fully at 3 years old, when this event occurred. He was a lover of routine and rarely deviated from our schedule and pattern. So, the running down the sidewalk was a shock to us both. That shock was long lasting, even when it was no longer conscious. His story, full of drama, fear, and redemption, recalled for me how attachment style, developmental stage, and meaning, all contribute to resilience.

According to attachment theory (Bowlby; Ainsworth, and others), when caregivers are responsive and consistent, children feel secure, and can use that base of safety to explore the world. When that attachment is less secure, or not available, the lack of safety creates fear and conflict for the child, This can be seen in behaviors, from withdrawal to tantrums, to harm to others. In my son’s 3-year-old mind, he could run down the sidewalk as a game, knowing that I would chase him. He could experience a moment of spontaneity, at an age where he was beginning to expand his understanding of the world beyond our house. When his game of chase turned into a near-tragedy, he took his cues from my reaction. He knew my loss of composure, my tearful explanation of what just happened, and to NEVER DO THAT AGAIN, were markedly different from his usual experience of me. His trust that I would chase him, was repurposed to his trust that I would keep him safe, and that I would be terrified if I could not.

The story he would later tell about that event, demonstrated