Structure and Comfort

I see the look in his mother's eyes. She desperately wants to provide structure for her child. She wants to provide comfort for him to tell him what is going to happen next, but she can't.

This past week my mind has been filled with visions of lines of Ukrainian children gripping their mothers' hands, children gripping their mothers' hands getting on buses, trains, or walking along side roads leaving their homes and leaving what they knew because the alternative is too much to bear. Children gripping their mothers' hands as they said goodbye to their fathers, knowing their fathers were staying to fight for their home and country, wondering if they were ever going to see them again. The world has been watching helplessly and finding any way they can to support these families. The idea of these families being able to pick up the pieces and put their lives back together has slowly drifted from my mind. At this point, my hope is that we can save as many Ukrainian lives as possible, Ukrainian children's lives because these children are their future.

I saw an image of a young boy gripping a bowl of noodles by his mother while trying to reach Poland. His mother was looking down at him with despair. She may have just said goodbye to her husband and now she is running from what she knows in an effort to save her child. As she watches her son eat that bowl of noodles, is she already in her mind formulating a plan to ensure her son can receive another meal when he’s hungry again? I see images of families huddling around makeshift warming stations to warm themselves after their long trek away from their home, children sitting along walls while a teacher was attempting to provide some form of structure or normalcy by teaching lessons. Structure. That is the concept that keeps coming to mind over and over

again for these children. I revert back to what I know and what my children need to feel comforted, especially my son Broden with autism. With Broden, structure is key to comfort. Broden's day is predictable down to the type of toothpaste I use to brush his teeth and the chair he sits in at the hair salon to receive his haircut. Structure and predictability are the comfort that we rely on knowing

that Broden feels some sort of control each day. He looks forward to it. He relies on it and it's something I can work to provide for him when I'm able. In a way, this is something I can control to ensure I'm providing him comfort as his mother. The thought that haunts me is, these children who are fleeing their country, when will they experience structure and comfort again?

COLD COMFORT: The thought that haunts me is, these children who are fleeing their country, when will they experience structure and comfort again?

Broden compartmentalizes everything in his life. As I remember his daily routine, the thought of predictability becomes more and more of a common theme with Broden. The details

constructed each day is precise down to which seat he sits in when I drive him to clinic in the morning. Around 6:45 am, I work to get Broden moving by rubbing his back and sliding his blankets off of him. Once he has slid out of bed, he slowly walks to the bathroom knowing I will be following right behind him to help him. After Broden’s morning shower, he puts on his blue Turkish terry cloth robe and walks into his room. His clothes that he is wearing for the day are always in his clothes bucket by his front door. Broden walks over to his chair by the corner and dresses himself including his bright red shoes, the only shoes he will wear even though he has several others in his closet. Broden will only wear his red shoes. After walking into the bathroom to brush his hair, he retrieves his electronics and walks downstairs to the kitchen table to his chair. This is the chair where he likes to eat every meal, even if we have visitors and the rest of us are sitting in the dining room, Broden still requests to sit in his chair at the kitchen table.

When he sits down for breakfast, he will see that everything is where it should be. His cup is filled with ice and placed at the top left of the plate. His toast is cut exactly the way he likes it and there are exactly four pieces of bacon placed to the left side of the plate near his toast. On the other side is a few pieces of fruit. The fruit, toast and bacon do not touch. Soggy toast is unacceptable to Broden so juices from the fruit will not bleed onto his toast. Crispy buttered toast is key or he will not eat it.