Resolutions

I'm not that friend that I keep in touch with once in a while from another installation who posts pictures of their worldly travels. I've come to terms with the fact that some resolutions aren't worth saying out loud because in my world, they most likely will never happen.

When I think of the New Year, I think of starting over with the hopes of being a little bit better than the year before. I think that is why we hear about New Year's resolutions. It's a way to say publicly that we are going to work on being a better version of ourselves. A common theme with these resolutions is involving self-care of some sort, "I'm going to actually use my treadmill instead of using it as a coat rack." Another good one I hear is, "I'm going to cook meals and eat out less." How about, "My spouse and I are going to make a point to go on at least one date a month to give time together to focus on us." These are all great aspirations and I can see why many of us say our New Year's resolutions out loud to friends or on social media because then, in our minds, we are held accountable. It's going to happen this year, really.

The days of saying my resolutions out loud have dwindled over time. I may whisper one to myself every now and then after reading a book by Brene Brown, but to be honest, that's as far as it goes in my world. I'm different. My world is different. I'm not saying I don't love my life or I'm not content with my life. My life is just different. I have a son who has severe autism. I'm not my neighbor. I'm not that friend that I keep in touch with once in a while from another installation who posts pictures of their worldly travels. I guess you could say I've come to terms with the fact that some resolutions aren't worth saying out loud because in my world they most likely will never happen.

A few weeks ago, Broden's ABA clinic provided a special gift to families. The clinic gave parents

a respite evening to either go out to dinner or get some shopping done for the holiday. They had dinner planned for the children with games and a movie. Our oldest son, Hayden, had just got accepted to the university he had been dreaming about for months so Mark and I thought it would be a great idea if we took Hayden to dinner to celebrate. It would be his night to go where ever he wanted to go. The focus would be on him and to celebrate his accomplishments.

We took two cars because we knew as a family with a child with autism, anything can happen and come to find out, we actually needed that second car. Just after dinner, when Hayden was about to dig into his dessert, I got a text from our trusted program director that oversees Broden's program, "I think it's time to come get Broden. I can tell that he's ready to come home and he wants his mom." After shoving a spoonful of brownie in my mouth and running to the bathroom, I jogged to the car and drove to the clinic to pick up Broden while leaving Mark and Hayden to finish their dessert and pay the bill.

Broden and his trusted provider were standing at the door waiting for me as I drove up, "See Broden, I told you she was coming back." I could see from the look on her face that she truly wanted to give me a full evening of respite, but one of the reasons I trust her so much is because she also knows when too much has been asked of Broden. She was correct. Broden needed to come home. As Broden quickly jumped in the car she looked over at me, "This is a good start, Shelly." On the ride home I kept telling myself, "This is just the way it is and it's ok."

AEGEAN DREAMS: "The ability to have time away with just Mark and I is so rare, we don't even discuss it anymore. We used to talk about going to Greece someday. Why talk about something or plan a vacation that most likely would never happen?"