PUZZLES & CAMO
SHELLY HUHTANEN
Blue Light on the Corner
Last April 1st, my husband rigged a light to our porch and screwed a blue light in our lamp by the front door so the color blue would shine from our porch. I was prepared to be the only blue light in our neighborhood.
"We don't move on, we must move forward," according to Nora McInerny's TED talk over grief. Moving forward with autism can still be lonely and last month, I was reminded of just how lonely I can feel. As many of us know, each year, April is called "Autism Awareness Month," though what I usually say to others is that every month is autism month. Over the years, I've looked forward to April. Once in a while, there will be an inspirational story shared on the news, or I'll see that the local community where I'm living at the time has hosted an autism awareness walk.
Frankly, I've come to the conclusion that I've taken it for granted. Every year, the installation where we live will either put on a small autism walk, or an awareness booth to create conversation about autism, and have a place where families can get together and share experiences. There are years I'm more involved than others, but there was always some sort of comfort in knowing that there were people around me acknowledging autism month. It could be as simple as driving by a front yard and seeing an autism awareness sign stuck into the grass, or an EFMP sign talking about autism awareness as I came into the gate. There was usually something out of the corner of my eye that acted as the three-finger salute of solidarity that was iconically seen in the film series The Hunger Games. I was checking on a friend last week who is also raising a son with autism, and I noticed she had a dismal post on Facebook. Being concerned about how she was doing, I clicked on the comments, hoping that it would provide more insight into how she was holding up since her son had been suffering from more seizures recently. A friend had posted, "How are you doing? What's going on?" My friend replied, "Nothing. That's the problem." I knew what she meant. Nothing was happening.
April is month of the military child and also Sexual Assault Awareness month, the same month as autism month. Celebrating military children and providing awareness to sexual assault are very important, but selfishly I ask, "What about us? What about autism? Is it not important anymore?" At Fort Jackson, I have not seen one event to discuss autism awareness. There isn't even a virtual walk. I've looked on the Fort Jackson Facebook ACS page and there wasn't acknowledgment of April 2nd being World Autism Awareness Day. Posts have only consisted of this month being "Month of the Military Child" and "Sexual Assault Awareness Month." For the past week, I kept telling myself, "Shelly, you're overreacting. The world does not revolve around autism." The more I thought about it, I'm not overreacting, because it's not just our family. There are thousands of families just like mine who are living daily with autism, whether it involves their child or themselves. Autism month is not just about awareness, this month is to allow parents to process, grieve, and talk about autism. I brought up the issue to Mark, my husband, and he responded, "I know! They're taking our month! There are another eleven months to choose from. Why our month?"
Tiffany Martschink is an Army veteran and is on the spectrum. She has a podcast entitled, "Mettle of Honor" to discuss military issues, as well as autism. Podcasts like hers are a way for people to connect who have shared experiences, and to allow people to discuss topics, such as access to care issues, PTSD, transitions, and overall military culture. I had the opportunity to speak with her this past week about being a military spouse raising a child with autism. She was a gifted interviewer because she quickly gained my trust. I talked about experiences and situations I had not discussed in quite some time. As a writer, I will write about the experience then let it go. This is the way I process my feelings. Tiffany created an opportunity for me not just to write about it, but to talk about it. For that hour, she provided the opportunity for me to experience the feeling of lighting it up blue. I realized that April is not just Autism Awareness month to educate others around us about autism, it gives our families a time for reflection. April gives our families validation for our hardship and a time where it is safe to talk about it.
Last April 1st, my husband rigged a light to our porch and screwed a blue light in our lamp by the front door so the color blue would shine from our porch. I was prepared to be the only blue light in our neighborhood. After my weekend hike with my friend, Tara, she looked over at my porch and said, "Why do you have a blue light rigged on your porch?" I told her about April being Autism Awareness Month and I offered her a blue light if she was interested in shining it on her porch. A few minutes later, her husband, Frank, texted me, "Give me one of those blue lights!"
The next day, I was driving back into the neighborhood after taking Broden to clinic. I looked over at their house on the corner and saw their blue light shining bright from their porch, giving me the three-finger salute of solidarity. They see us. •
PUZZLES & CAMO
Shelly Huhtanen is an Army wife stationed at Fort Benning, GA who has a child with autism. She enjoys sharing her experiences of day-to-day life caring for her son with autism while serving as an Army spouse. She authored "Giving a Voice to the Silent Many" that encompasses many stories of raising a child with autism in the military. Shelly is passionate about autism advocacy for our military and works to bring awareness to our local legislators and command about providing better support for our military autism community, such as better health care and education.