Life Lessons

Thanks, Mom, for teaching me about . . .

APPRECIATING A JOB WELL DONE: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to send you into the middle of next week!"

STAMINA: "You'll sit there until all of that spinach is gone!"

PLANNING AHEAD: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

IRONY: "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

OSMOSIS: "Close your mouth and eat your supper."

CONTORTIONISM: "Look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

RELIGION: "You'd better pray that this comes out of the carpet."

LOGIC: "If you fall out of that swing and break your leg, you're not going to the store with me."

ADVANCED LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why." 

–courtesy of T. T., Nipigon, Ontario

TECH TIME

A Real Head Trip: A multinational team of investigators has found that using GPS might be harmful to your mind because it bypasses and thus atrophies your brain's hippocampus, which is key to many everyday tasks as well as remembering the past and envisioning the future. In other words, GPS can get you to Grandma's house but not to tomorrow. –courtesy of J. D., Napoleon, Ohio

The Devil's Device: Researchers in Australia have observed small, hornlike bone spurs on the heads of some teenage cellphone users, perhaps because excessive use in the forward-tilted position causes changes in the growth dynamics of the skull. The study has a number of flaws, but millions of parents are saying, "We told you so!" –courtesy of A. B., Tuscaloosa, Alabama