MILITARY LIFE

PLAYING AND STAYING TOGETHER: Playing and learning go hand in hand. Discovering new games, stories and places together provides opportunities for joy, and a path of lifetime learning.

When distance and mobility issues are coupled with learning and developmental differences faced by a grandchild identified with special needs, increasing creative effort and adaptability are necessary for the entire family system.

MERGING MILITARY AND FAMILY THROUGH THE GRANDPARENTING LENS

BY ANGELA SHAW AND REANNA SHAW

Without doubt, military families face challenges and struggles unique to the military life which are not typical to most other families.

In addition to realizing the typical family responsibilities, military service members fulfill obligation to their country requiring a mobile existence beyond that which is customary to civilian families, as well as the extreme real threat of combat. The mobile life of military family is a challenge to grandparenting, but grandparents express tremendous pride in the service to country that their family members provide. Strength, flexibility and resiliency are positive outcomes that we often look toward when successfully transitioning rough terrain. Social connectedness can be hard-won, in the wake of fast-paced and ever-mobile lives. In addition to finding themselves amongst new faces and places every two to four years, grandparents left behind may fade away from the traditional arrangements of the extended family that civilian life naturally provides. Such increased mobility impacts the way grandparents can interact with their military family members, but distance does not have to be the demise of the grandparent-grandchild bond.

The vital connection between grandparents and grandchildren generates potential to strengthen and secure families across generations and into the future. Happiness, security, and family traditions can be some of the positive outcomes of grandparent interaction. A bridge between yesterday and today that has the capacity to propel grandchildren onto their future paths – stocked with wisdoms and perspectives that they can synthesize with tomorrow's promise and discoveries – is realized with such interaction. Grandchildren are the joy, love and purpose that keep them looking toward a bright, happy and relevant life.

As with many transitions in life, a critical variable begins with the natural renegotiation of relationships, in this case, across the extended family system via day-to-day interaction and flexibility. Due to the inherent nature of mobility and distance built into the family life, military grandparents and parents are called to draw upon an innovative and strategic line of thinking in order to construct and maintain close emotional ties across the generations. When distance and mobility issues are coupled with learning and developmental differences faced by a grandchild identified with special needs, increasing creative effort and adaptability are necessary for the entire family system.

Forging deeper connections with grandchildren through an array of today's technologies, such as internet, cell phone and social media, can melt away the miles. Through digital communication tools, grandmas and grandpas can link in and participate in their grandchild's life. Whether tech savvy, a novice to the digital world, or somewhere in-between, grandparents bring strengths, experiences and personality to their quest. A rewarding grandparenting connection can be reimagined and put into action through staying in touch and finding joy in playing together, regardless of the mileage on the odometer.

PORTALS FOR INTERACTION

Many 21st century grandparents have access to a variety of digital devices. Some popular digital tools that can be downloaded on smartphones or computers for video calling, offering a portal for interaction, include Skype, FaceTime or Zoom. Video calling is beneficial for connecting with babies and younger children who are not yet able to chat on the phone. Moreover, older grandkids who use these programs in their day-to-day lives, identify this as an authentic and relevant venue. Grandparents can smile, sing and play with their littles through video calling. Older kids and teens enjoy the interactive platform and delight in teaching grandparents the ins and outs of technology. Through texting, grandparents are offered a dynamic avenue for staying in touch.

Digital applications offer a way to share interests, activities and begin or continue traditions. Good old-fashioned snail mail also builds connections. First and foremost, remaining ever-mindful of developmental readiness and waiting until grandkids are safely able to negotiate an activity or event enhances the experience. Common sense is a helpful guide toward encouraging enjoyment of time together.

The following is offered, to spark the imagination in pursuit of a grandparenthood that provides meaningful connection with grandkids who are part of a military family:

Communication provides the building blocks essential in creating and maintaining positive relationships with grandchildren, whether they take place just around the corner or on a multi-hour flight across the span of an ocean. Through the act of a simple conversation or written expression, grandkids will grow in their ability to understand and navigate their world, as well as effectively express themselves. In addition to acclimating grandkids to a grandparent's voice and learning about one another's perspectives, joys, and challenges, communicating with grandkids can help build vocabulary and language. Remaining mindful of age and developmental aspects while chatting is key. Toddlers and children with language delays may require a little more time for receiving and expressing messages. To support language development and keep things interesting:

• Use open-ended questions that require more than one word, or a yes or no answer. Visuals, such as pictures or objects, supports receptive language. Incorporating puppets or stuffed animals as talking prompts adds to the fun and playfulness of the conversation.

• Model expressive language by expanding upon responses. Provide affirmation and add a detail to bolster vocabulary and expression. For example, after receiving an answer, a grandparent may respond, "You're right, that's a ball. It is a gigantic red ball."

• Pretend-play and storytelling are amazing ways to target higher-level language skills. Through pretending, kids experience storytelling and sequencing. Grandparents can ask what is going to happen next or why something happened.

• Playing and learning go hand in hand. Discovering new games, stories and places together provides opportunities for joy, and a path of lifetime learning.

• Play actively engages children in the world and builds self-awareness and self-confidence. Play is a great stress reliever and positively influences a child's physical, emotional and cognitive growth through:

1. Gaining physical strength and dexterity.

2. Discovering essential social skills.

3. Building foundational aspects for acquiring math and language-based learning. 

When engaging in virtual activities and games, be certain they are developmental and age appropriate. Let the virtual play commence by sharing: • Yoga stories • Cooking • Scavenger hunts • Read-alouds • Gardening • Music • Crafts

From low-tech to high-tech, grandparents and grandchildren are limited only by their imaginations. Mail-based endeavors in support of virtual encounters, to include postcards, small parcels and photos are vibrant and tangible ways to boost connection. Connectedness is key to being a part of your grandkids' lives. Sharing family history and stories relevant to heirlooms and pictures creates visual and auditory connection to family and lend deep meaning to memories, traditions and interests:

• Following extra-curricular and school activity schedules and keeping a calendar of upcoming events can be accomplished through chats with grandkids and their parents. School websites can provide a list of upcoming PTA events or holiday celebrations. Social media often provides opportunities to follow activities.

• Keeping up your grandkid's interests provides an abundance of opportunity for connection. Researching and taking virtual tours pave the way for great talks, learning ops, and adventuring.

• Sharing interests paves the way for future endeavors. Read literature and watch programs that are trending in your grandchild's interest and developmental range.

• Creating a family-based social media platform to include grandchildren provides opportunities for family connection across generations.

An active grandparenting life can add an element of contentment and broaden cognizance. Self-care is a vital component to those who nurture and care for others. Explore opportunities to support relaxation, mindfulness and well-being through Yoga sequences such as the one offered in Spotlight (in this article), or learn a new skill or hobby. In addition to personal fulfillment, providing the priceless treasure of partnership reaps a future holding promise of strengths that will carry grandkids through the joys and challenges of experiencing their best life. •

ABOUT THE AUTHORS:

Angela Shaw is a retired special educator. She synthesizes her diverse education and experience as her publishing focus to provide information to support and encourage families as they navigate the special needs of their children. Shaw's son-in-law is active duty military. She and her husband spend much of their free time adventuring to various PCS locations and enjoying every single possible minute with their son-in-law, daughter, and baby grandson. For Reanna, Yoga has been a constant guide throughout hers and her family's military PCS journey. Reanna graduated from Spira (Breath) Power Yoga, a Washington State Licensed Yoga Career School. Reanna has also earned a 200-hour Yoga Alliance-approved certification. Prenatal and Postnatal Fitness and Yoga Certification from Oh Baby Fitness, an American Council on Exercise-approved program. And a kids (0-4 years) Yoga Certification from Kidding Around Yoga, a Yoga Alliance-approved program.

RELAXING CHAIR YOGA FOR GRANDPARENTS

Come into your Yoga space. Mindfully approach your chair of choice. Take a moment to inspect your chair, ensuring that it will support your weight while also supporting these dynamic Yoga postures. Seated comfortably, find a space between effort and ease, lengthen your spine (sit tall) and relax shoulders downward away from ears (neck is long). Find your inhale: sipping fresh air in slowly through your nose, fill up your belly with your breath, and notice your front ribcage expand with revitalizing air. Deeply exhale: release all your breath out through your mouth as you take a vocalized sigh. Repeat this cycle of breathing for three rounds before shifting into traditional Yoga belly breathing. Your traditional Yoga belly breathing will welcome air slowly and deeply in through your nose as well as out through your nose. This traditional Yogic way of breathing will continue to focus your breath down into your belly, expanding your front ribcage, and further guiding you into a more relaxed state of being. Moving into this relaxing chair Yoga sequence, continue to practice honing your breath as a complementary element to your Yoga experience.

1. Cat and Cow Flow: 4-8 rounds Seated on your chair, find your inhale: scooping your chest gently forward and drawing your shoulders gently downward and backward. Feel your heart space expand. When you exhale: while rounding your shoulders, send your belly button gently upward and inward toward your spine (engaging your deep core muscles softly for a moment). Feel the area between your shoulder blades open. Moving through a few rounds of Cat and Cow Flow will help you create more space for your breath as you stretch across your chest and through your upper back. You will also enjoy a dynamic movement along the length of your spine which will help you stretch throughout your core.

2. Shoulder Opening Stretch: 5 full deep breathing cycles Remain in a comfortable seat, between effort and ease, on your chair. Begin to bring your arms forward of your chest and interlace your fingers. Now flip your palms away from your gaze, round your shoulders, and draw your chin toward your chest. Upon your next deep breath in, you will notice a stretch through your upper back and between your shoulder blades.

3. Heart Opening Stretch: 5 full deep breathing cycles Move your bottom closer to the front edge of chair. Start to reach arms behind your body, finding the back of chair with your hands. Look forward, take a couple full deep cycles of breathing, and enjoy a nice stretch across your chest.

4. Downward Facing Dog: 5 full deep breathing cycles Stacking wrists under shoulders (wrists should be a hair wider than shoulders), place your hands down on chair. Lengthen legs behind you and find your Plank position (you will be up on the balls of your feet with your heels lifted toward the sky). Keep lifting up and out of your core to protect lower back. If you feel stable on your chair in your Plank position, then with a slight bend in elbows and in knees, begin to slowly guide hips upward and backward (bend knees enough to lift your tailbone toward the sky and feel a gentle release in your lower back). When you reach Downward Facing Dog, shift weight equally between upper and lower body.

5. Warrior One: 5 full deep breathing cycles Come up to standing beside your chair. If you like, hold on to the back of chair with one hand for more support, as Warrior One may challenge your balance. Step one leg back behind you and turn back heel in — then release back heel down on the earth. Take a look at front knee, ensuring that front knee is stacked in alignment with front ankle for safety. Gaze forward, breathe deeply, and enjoy this gentle hip opening stretch while also strengthening your lower body. (Repeat on your opposite side).

6. Forward Fold: 5 full deep breathing cycles Stand Facing chair. With a slight or generous bend in knees, take a deep exhale, and fold forward. If it feels beneficial to you, possibly brush the top of head lightly down on the seat of chair. Keep lifting up and out of your core and feel the lightness as you protect head and neck from weight-bearing. Drawing most of your weight back into heels (keep knees bent as much as you like) feel a stretch down the back of legs.

7. Warrior Two: 5 full deep breathing cycles You may want to hold onto the back of your chair with one hand for more support in this pose. From Warrior One, slowly pivot on your back heel, to shift your back toes outward to the side (your back toes will point outward toward the side of your Yoga mat). Look down to check that your front knee is still aligned over your front ankle. Stacking your joints is a good rule of thumb to follow; stacking your joints will keep you safe throughout your Yoga practice. Bring your gaze forward and breath. (Repeat on opposite side).

8. Rabbit Pose: 5 full deep breathing cycles Continue standing and face chair. Begin to reach arms behind your body, you may find that hands reach each other or you may hold onto a Yoga strap to bridge the gap between hands (a belt, dog leash, or towel can work as a fine Yoga strap). If hands do reach each other, interlace fingers behind lower back. Bend knees as much as needed, take a deep exhale, and fold forward. If it serves you, you have the option of lightly resting the top of head down on the seat of chair. Keep lifting up and out of your core to protect head and neck from bearing any weight. Draw most of your weight back into heels and keep knees bent as much as you like. If you want to feel more sensation, give shoulders a good rinse by drawing hands from lower back upward toward the sky.

9. Seated Pigeon: 8 full deep breathing cycles Have a seat on chair and cross one leg over the top of other leg. If you would like to deepen this stretch, then bring ankle that is attached to your top leg to rest on top of other leg at thigh. Slow down, breathe deeply, and feel your body relax while opening hips and stretching lower body. (Repeat on opposite side).

10. Chair Straddle with a Shoulder Opening Stretch: 8 full deep breathing cycles Finishing up in a seated variation — turn to face the back of chair. Legs will straddle the back of chair, giving a nice hip opener at the end of your practice. Get comfortable here. When you're ready, thread one of your arms under chest (palm of hand facing open behind you). Take a few moments to breath and enjoy a gentle stretch between shoulder blades. (Repeat on opposite side).