PUZZLES & CAMO

SHELLY HUHTANEN

Be My Friend 

People with autism are four times more likely to be lonely than the general public, according to the National Autistic Society in the UK These statistics are staggering and suggest that if our general public is feeling this growing epidemic of loneliness, people with autism are experiencing this even more intensely.

There is a growing epidemic in our society that is becoming more evident and there isn't a diet change or vaccine that can prevent it. It's loneliness. More people are saying they are unsatisfied with the relationships they have or, even worse, they do not have any meaningful relationships to recall. According to the HRSA (Health Resource and Services Administration), loneliness is "more dangerous to one's health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day."

The loneliness that more and more people are feeling can lead to many feeling disconnected in the world. In turn, this disconnectedness can lead to them feeling insignificant to others around them. People with autism are four times more likely to be lonely than the general public, according to the National Autistic Society in the UK. Their previous research suggested that "almost 80% of people with autism felt socially isolated." These statistics are staggering and suggest that if our general public is feeling this growing epidemic of loneliness, people with autism are experiencing this even more intensely.

With our son about to turn 14 years old this month, Mark and I have come to terms with the fact that we now have two boys well into their teenage well into their teenage years. Their appetites are growing, their voices are lowering, and we can't seem to keep them into clothes that fit. Our oldest son, Hayden, who is typical, is always on his phone and chatting with friends. Many of his friends might even still go to the last school he went to from our last duty station, one of the positive aspects of social media. When people ask if Broden, our son with  ask if Broden, our son with autism, has friends, I usually answer "no." He has limited communication and I even wonder if he's even had thoughts of loneliness because he always prefers to be alone.

CLIMBING CONFIDENCE: Broden made it up one of the climbing obstacles, but quickly realized the it wasn't for him and came back down. One thing is certain, he would not have tried unless he saw his table partner head up the obstacle first.

This week, watching him at a field trip to the zoo opened my eyes to how Broden saw himself in relation to feeling connected. Perhaps the importance of friendship is something that Broden has been taught recently, a life skill that I was unaware that he would learn. Broden shares a room at his autism clinic with a boy that is higher functioning. What is special about his table partner is that he is persistent. Even though Broden has limited communication and, at times, has seemed uninterested in interacting with him, his room partner keeps trying. Many times, Broden will be asked questions over and over until Broden finally gives him an answer, "Broden, do you want to play basketball with me?" If Broden says no because he would much rather sit on the couch alone, his table partner will follow him to the couch and say, "How about we play basketball after your quiet time on the couch? I'll wait for you." His table partner will sit patiently and wait for Broden to be ready.

This past week, Mark and I had the opportunity to go with the autism clinic to the zoo for a community outing. Each tutor had a list of skills they were going to work on that day based on each client's needs. We followed the bus and watched Broden unload with his peers, single file, to wait at the front. One person that seemed to stay close by was the boy that shares the skills table with him at the clinic.

Once we gathered through the front gate of the zoo, everyone scattered to explore their gate of the zoo, everyone scattered to explore their favorite exhibits. Mark and I followed behind to watch Broden. He was with his tutor and seemed to want to follow his table partner. Wherever his table partner went, Broden seemed to want to follow. Once in a while, his table partner would say, "Broden, where do you want to go next? I'll pick a place, then you pick one." Broden agreed.

One of the attractions at the zoo is a climbing obstacle where you can hook yourself in with a harness while continuously climbing more vertical, and then slowly lower yourself back to the bottom. This is an obstacle that can be quite unnerving for people who fear heights. Once, Broden saw his table partner run to the obstacle and put on the harness. Broden looked up with hesitation, but ran to the obstacle once he realized that his table partner was already there with his harness fastened. Broden made it up one floor, but quickly realized the obstacle wasn't for him and came back down. One thing is certain, he would not have tried unless he saw his table partner head up the obstacle first.

At the end of our zoo trip, Mark and I ne of the attractions at the zoo is a climbing obstacle where you can hook yourself in with a realized something that we haven't witnessed very often with him. Broden has a friend; one who cares about, and likes to spend time with him.

That evening after dinner, I walked into Broden's room and asked him if he had a good time at the zoo. He replied, "Yea!" I was about to leave, but then I thought I'd ask him one more question, "Broden, who was your friend that you spent time with at the zoo?" He looked up and said his table partner's name. Everyone needs a friend, someone who sees the value in another person and cares about their existence in the world. That, of course, includes Broden.•

PUZZLES & CAMO Shelly Huhtanen is an Army wife stationed at Fort Benning, GA who has a child with autism. She enjoys sharing her experiences of day-to-day life caring for her son with autism while serving as an Army spouse. She authored "Giving a Voice to the Silent Many" that encompasses many stories of raising a child with autism in the military. Shelly is passionate about autism advocacy for our military and works to bring awareness to our local legislators and command about providing better support for our military autism community, such as better health care and education.