PUZZLES & CAMO

SHELLY HUHTANEN

Where Does it Hurt?

As his mom, I'm not just his caretaker and advocate, I'm also his detective, because most of the time he can't find the words to explain to me how he is feeling.

I dread cold and flu season. Obviously, every parent dreads this time of year, but when you have a teenager with limited communication, battling illness has many more challenges. Bad experiences in the past seem to fuel a lot of my concern and at times, I feel that we are alone when trying to figure out what is bothering him. Around six years ago, I was turned away from the ER twice when my son was sick. I knew something was wrong. He had a high fever, constantly crying, but he couldn't tell me where he was hurting. I remember holding him in the room. He looked pale and exhausted and said, "Help me." Every time I play that moment in my head, I get more frustrated at myself because I should have fought harder. I wish I would have not let myself succumb to their lack of empathy. They didn't want to take the time to help me figure out why he was in pain. I remember the nurse asking me, "Why are you here again?" when I kept trying to convince them that he was hurting. One thing they don't realize is a mother does not forget, and experiences such as these linger and influence decisions and, later on, build a lack of trust with medical professionals.

As his mom, I'm not just his caretaker and advocate, I'm also his detective, because most of the time he can't find the words to explain to me how he is feeling. "Can you tell me where it hurts? Does it hurt here or here?" as I point to my throat, stomach and head.

If that won't work, I will ask for him to point to where it hurts. At times, he will just point to wherever I am pointing. I keep thinking, "Does he hurt everywhere or is he just pointing to where I'm point ing?" As one could imagine, a parent can go crazy trying to figure out what is going on when their child can't tell them. It's even more frustrating when medical professionals won't listen to you when you're trying to explain to them that something is wrong; you just can't seem to figure out what it is.

Years ago, after being turned away from the ER, a clinic about 20 minutes from the installation where we lived was able to squeeze Broden in for a next day appointment. He was diagnosed with strep after spending less than a minute with the doctor. When I told the doctor, he was turned away from our ER twice that weekend, he looked frustrated and perplexed. Our son ended up taking two rounds of antibiotics to recover.

Experiences such as these make illness a more complicated issue for me. With more children out of school due to illness, I have been going as far as not taking Broden to the store with me even though I sanitize the grocery cart. I guess it was inevitable that sickness would find him. Yesterday, Broden's BCBA came to the car and told me he was throwing up right as I was pulling into the parking lot to get him. I went into the clinic and saw him on his knees, exhausted, while his RBT was consoling him. I thought, "Let the detective work commence."

Once we got home, I pulled out the thermometer, added more ice to his drink to encourage him to drink fluids and got him comfortable in bed. I've noticed that as a teen-ager, he's turned into a better patient. Last night, he started to lift his hair off his forehead so I could take his temperature and I was able to reason with him to take his Motrin even though he detests the taste of it.

I find myself enjoying the small victories as he grows. This morning, I brought his breakfast to him in bed and encouraged him to eat. He laid back on his pillow and put his hands on his stomach and said, "My tummy hurts." That was the first time I can remember him telling me how he felt without me prompting him. After I explained to him that food might make his tummy feel better, he slowly took a bite.

We are not out of the woods yet while fighting his fever. With my detective hat still on and looking for clues, who knows what the next few days will bring. Although there is some uncertainty on the horizon, I'm hopeful that he will soon be on the mend and this mom will rest easier. •

PUZZLES & CAMO

Shelly Huhtanen is an Army wife stationed at Fort Benning, GA who has a child with autism. She enjoys sharing her experiences of day-to-day life caring for her son with autism while serving as an Army spouse. She authored "Giving a Voice to the Silent Many" that encompasses many stories of raising a child with autism in the military. Shelly is passionate about autism advocacy for our military and works to bring awareness to our local legislators and command about providing better support for our military autism community, such as better health care and education.