HEARTSIGHT
CHRISTINA LLANES MABALOT
Random Thoughts for the Young Year
Time is a gift. How many people have not lived long enough to flaunt grey hair? Youthfulness is in the heart and my own secret elixir is laughter. I laugh too loud and often.
I always start a new year by reflecting on my life. Rather than restate resolutions that I didn't do last year, which I should have done in the preceding one, this time, I am choosing to count my blessings.
A new year, a gift of time to make sense of my millennial children's mindset so I can appreciate and write about it, another shot at dropping the "age" in "marriage," a new chance to try to become a blind Wonder Woman, or a stand-up comedian – and a fresh occasion to mature and not just age. Events in 2019 that didn't kill me have made me older. What's weird is, I don't feel any older. Perhaps not being able to see one's self is like enjoying the fountain of youth.
Carl Jung aptly described the stage I'm in as the "afternoon of life," a time when peo ple are more inclined to flex their mental biceps than the physical. In the afternoon of life, most people slow down their game. Not me. In fact, this crazy woman recently upped hers. I feel I can still run with my children when they train. I didn't say I finish strong, but I hope it won't ever get so bad where I'm carried home with a sign that says, "Found on the road dead." Need I say more?
The Bible says, "Count the cost before you do something," but I usually end up paying the price for making a foolish decision. Not too long ago, I decided to Wrestle my 57-pound English bulldog. I bent down at his level and gave him the "let's play" sig nal. He jumped on me, and I crashed on my left knee with a heavy thud. Of course, I bounced back on my feet; I'm not a wuss! But to this day, I'm still suffering from the lingering pain of that injury.
Oh, there's more. About two months ago, I challenged myself to increase my high-intensity interval training to level 10 on the treadmill. I enjoyed the dopamine boost for a few days. One day, as I was relishing the high of running while listening to an audiobook, my wisdom decided to take a break. Forgetting I was blind, I let go of my grip on the treadmill handlebars. You guessed right; I fell off. I wasn't smiling, but the massive cut on my shin was. The wound hurt so bad I was quiet for about the longest time ever in my life. My son, familiar with my M.O., wasn't sympathetic. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "Stupid decisions, stupid results." Case closed.
Why do I often forget I'm blind? I honestly don't know. I run around the house like a headless chicken as I do my chores. Often, I get attacked by the belligerent walls that are always in my way. I fared better when I was working at a call center. Whenever I went to the restroom, I'd trail along the wall that led to the break area. While doing so one time, I collided with a co-worker oblivious to imminent danger. Thank God, the poor girl was more frightened than hurt. That never happened again, for, after that incident, I received the scarlet letter – "A," the label for "Avoid." Since then, everyone gave way whenever they saw me running.
Please don't ask how many battle scars I've earned over the years. My family wonders why, unlike people who are blind and sensible, I don't hold my hand out to protect my head and face to prevent such mishaps. That's my problem; I forget I cannot see. And, I also overlook that I'm up in age too. Last summer, I joined my kids trekking the Stone Mountain and the Amicalola Falls State Park in Atlanta. After hyperventilating and almost fainting every ten steps, I finally reached the peak. This accomplishment was my very first mountain-top experience, so I asked the kids to hold me up for a picture.
I still pull all-nighters, working and sometimes just hanging out with family, especially on vacations and holidays. I go with my children to the gym whenever they're around and enjoy pumping weights with them. Before my knee injury, I'd work out until exhaustion to be able to sleep better. I sometimes eat like my kids too, like college students living in the dorms, deprived of good food. I often feel that I'm overweight. This perception is why I'm on a perpetual diet, yet, it's just an illusion since I always break the diet. Call it the "make-believe diet" all you want, but I describe it as the "I eat everything I don't see." I stick to these bad habits, rationalizing (wink-wink) that hot flashes make me feel entitled to poor decisions.
What am I thinking? The truth is, I've never lost my 20-year-old mind, or perhaps I'm regressing back to 20? Or maybe, I'm headed to my second childhood? Well, I acknowledge beautiful senior moments when I commit the unpardonable. For example, I once stuck my cell phone in the microwave. Thank God I caught myself, or my phone would've exploded in the oven! On another occasion, I woke up with a foggy brain. I stumbled to the vanity to wash my face. To my horror, I almost stuck my dental retainer in my eye socket and my prosthetic eye in my mouth.
Please don't judge me. Blame it on my grey hair. The good news is, I have learned to laugh at myself, which, by the way, explains the laugh lines engraved on my face.
Other than these imperfections, I agree with Jason Mraz that life is lovely. I will never swap my fun-loving family and caring friends for winning the lottery. They are my wealth. For me, happiness is the slurpy-kisses of my dog, devouring a whole bag of Lindor chocolates in one sitting, playing pranks on people (especially on my pastor), finishing a 54-hour audiobook on a marathon weekend, hiding my son's gym gloves, scaring my daughter out of her wits, annoying my husband, sleeping through a storm, believing that I'd fit my size-4 jeans one day, not caring about the effect of gravity on my body, forgetting the bad, remembering when I was glad, and looking ahead for the best that's yet to come.
Indeed, my heart had been badly broken on several occasions, but allowing my heart to heal only made me "whole" and stronger. As a result, I now possess a treasure trove of life lessons I can bequeath to my children. I have learned to be a friend to myself.
I refuse to waste my time daydreaming about what-ifs at the expense of my joy today. Neither would I stress about what-will-be, for God has been by my side over the years, He has proven enough. I believe that God has preserved my health in the past year. I've never been seriously ill that I needed to use my sick time at work (which I enjoyed at the end of 2019).
Time is a gift. How many people have not lived long enough to flaunt grey hair? Youthfulness is in the heart and my own secret elixir is laughter. I laugh too loud and often.
People say that success is elusive, but for me, success is the confidence that tomorrow will be better. Michael Josephson of the Character Counts! project always says, "success is significance." Let me share my last quote for today. "The best things in life are unseen; that's why we close our eyes when we kiss, laugh, and dream." May you all have a joyful 2020! •
HEARTSIGHT
Christina Llanes Mabalot is physically blind from aniridia, but has a vision. She enjoys touching people's lives to bring out the best in them. "Heartsight" explains her ability to see with her heart. Christina earned her B.A. degree and Masters in Education from the University of the Philippines, Diliman, specializing in Early Intervention for the Blind. She later received Educational Leadership training through the Hilton-Perkins International Program in Massachusetts, then worked as consultant for programs for the VI Helen Keller International. She has championed Inclusive Education, Early Intervention, Capability Building and Disability Sensitivity programs. She was twice a winner in the International Speech contests of the Toastmasters International (District 75) and has been a professional inspirational and motivational speaker. Christina is blissfully married to Silver Mabalot, also physically impaired, her partner in advancing noble causes. Their children are Paulo and Jem, who has aniridia. Visit leadershiptovision.com