SHELLY HUHTANEN

How Far We've Come

I was grateful for how far Broden had come, but at the same time I was weeping for the woman in the salon. I wish I could have done more. I wish I could have swooped in and told her a magic solution to make it easier for her, but I knew in my heart there wasn't one. She had to go through it, just like I did.

About ten years ago, I approached a woman getting out of a car that had an autism sticker on her window. It seems like a lifetime ago when autism was still new and I was reaching out to anyone who could tell me something about this world that I didn't know. When I approached her, I introduced myself and told her about Broden. She told me that her son was a lot older than Broden and well into his teenage years. We talked for a few minutes and she encouraged me to take it one step at a time. As she walked away, she turned around and said, "Don't worry. It gets easier.

Autism starts to become more familiar and not as scary. Give it time." She looked calm, a feeling that was foreign to me as I grappled with Broden's diagnosis. I asked myself as I got back in my car, "Will it ever get easier?" At that moment, I couldn't see past all of the scary unknowns that had flooded my mind. That day, I couldn't see anything in my life as getting easier. Last week, I took the boys for their haircut. Jina has been cutting Broden's hair for four years. She is definitely one person I'm going to miss once we move to South Carolina. Due to Jina's persistence and patience, Broden has made great progress over the years. Like a champ, Broden stepped out of the car and walked with his brother into the salon. He walked over to her chair at her station and sat down to wait for her. Once Jina fastened the cape around his neck, I was able to sit down and look at a magazine. I looked up periodically to make sure he was following directions.

When she was finishing up with Broden, another hairstylist looked out the window and said, "Here they come Jina. I think she's trying to get him into the shop." Jina looked up and said, "Broden, you're done. I have another friend who is coming in today for a haircut." Jina peeked out the window, eager to get an update. I finally turned my head to see what they were so interested in seeing out in the parking lot. Right when I glanced over, my heart sank. I saw a woman holding and comforting a boy who was having a difficult time going into the salon. After a few minutes, she was able to pull him into the front door. Once she got him in the salon, he grew more upset and slid to the floor. The boy was inconsolable and it was evident that being in the salon was overwhelming.

I looked over at Broden in the chair and he started to plug his ears due to the boy being loud. Hayden, Broden's big brother, picked up quickly on what was going on and told Broden to follow him out to the car so I could pay for their haircuts. Broden followed my verbal prompt and thanked Jina as he followed Hayden out to the car to wait. After paying, I stood there in the salon looking useless. I wanted to help, but I knew that she knew her son best, just as I know Broden best.

The conversation she was having with Jina reminded me of the same conversations I had had about Broden four to five years ago. "He can't sit in the chair because he gets too upset. Can you cut his hair standing up? I'll hold his arms. Can we take breaks?" I was grateful the mother had found Jina, someone who was kind and caring. I had looked years for someone like her to cut Broden's hair and I was glad that she had found someone.

After standing there for a few minutes, I found myself not being able to leave. I looked out the window and my boys were getting restless. Jina was hard at work on the son's bangs. His mom was holding him from behind and I could see the stress on her face. I could tell that she was already exhausted because it was so much work to just get him into the salon. I felt her pain because I had been there so many times. As the mother held her son, I walked "The mom was already exhausted because it was so much work to just get him into the salon. I felt her pain because I had been there so many times." up to her and put my hand on her shoulder, "Everything is going to be ok. Everything is going to be ok." She looked over at me in disbelief. I said, "Did you see the boy that just left the chair before your son came? He has autism too and we were where both of you are now. It will be ok." She asked how old Broden was, and then told me her son was six years old. I could see her trying to think of the age gap between our boys. She sighed and nodded her head, "Ok."

As I walked to the car, I started to cry. I was grateful for how far Broden had come, but at the same time I was weeping for the woman in the salon. I wish I could have done more. I wish I could have swooped in and told her a magic solution to make it easier for her, but I knew in my heart there wasn't one. She had to go through it, just like I did.

At that moment, I realized that things had come full circle – from the calm and wise woman I met ten years ago to me, who's become wiser through the years, all I could say was, "It's going to get better." •

PUZZLES & CAMO

Shelly Huhtanen is an Army wife stationed at Fort Benning, GA who has a child with autism. She enjoys sharing her experiences of day-to-day life caring for her son with autism while serving as an Army spouse. She authored "Giving a Voice to the Silent Many" that encompasses many stories of raising a child with autism in the military. Shelly is passionate about autism advocacy for our military and works to bring awareness to our local legislators and command about providing better support for our military autism community, such as better health care and education.