The Inevitable

Being brave enough to try is going to be our theme this year. Just because we haven't done something before doesn't mean it can't be done.

In the military, there is so much change, it seems to be the only thing families can count on each year. We are either moving to another installation, moving houses, spouses are changing units or in our case, the spouse is headed to school. In order to prolong the inevitable of moving, my husband has chosen to stay in an apartment with other fellow soldiers in Alabama during the week so the rest of our family can stay in our house for one more year.

Overall, it's a great plan. Hayden can start high school with his friends and Broden can experience one more year with a great team at his ABA clinic. As I was helping Mark shop in the "starting college" section at Target, I started to feel heavy hearted. Our family would be able to spend weekends together, but we would also have to experience saying goodbye to him every Sunday evening so he could start school on Monday. This was a part of the plan I hadn't given that much thought to.

Broden does not like transition and he does not like to generalize. If you ask him who he would prefer to bathe him, he would choose me. His favorite part of his bath ritual is when I wrap him up in a big towel and rock him as I sit on the toilet lid. When it's time to go to bed, that is Broden's time with his Dad. I will be in the room and help, but I can tell it's not quite the same without his Dad. No matter how loud I sing the bedtime song or how flamboyant I dance around the room for him, Broden looks at me in disappointment. It's not Dad.

Last week we had a trial. Mark left for a night to get his apartment set up. We thought it would be a good way to try out what would be the new normal for this upcoming year. Mark talked with Broden several times that day, "Broden, I'm not going to put you to bed tonight. Mom is going to do it. I will see you tomorrow." As Mark was explaining what would happen, Broden would look off into the distance. He heard his Dad, but didn't want to acknowledge it was happening.

That night when Mark was gone, I tiptoed into Broden's room. I reminded him that it was going to be me, not Dad. In true Broden fashion, he tried to ignore me. He started playing other songs to delay his bedtime ritual. In a way, I think he was letting me know that he didn't like the way this was going to go down. He finally started his bedtime song on his iPad once he noticed the sternness in my voice, "Play the song or go straight to bed!" As I jumped around the room and lowered my voice attempting to sound like Mark, Broden lowered his eyes and looked at me in disgust. I could tell what was going through his mind, "I have this piece of work doing my bedtime routine every weeknight for a year." We got through the song, barely. I hugged and kissed him promising him that his Dad would be back the next day to make it right again. I was just grateful he didn't have any fruit hidden under his pillow so I wasn't dodging any rotten apples or pears while I was attempting to dance around his room.

After he finally drifted off to sleep, I slipped into bed and turned on my lamp with the intention of reading, but couldn't seem to pay attention to my book. I realized that I was scared and I was angry at myself for feeling scared. I should know this stuff called transition and I should have faith that our family will adjust. Transitioning every week is going to be tougher than I thought. Just when we're going to get used to Mark being around for a few days, we're going to have to get back into our groove without him again. Broden, the kid who detests change the most, will be put to the ultimate test.

The next day, Broden and I went to Publix to grab some groceries. It started to rain a little bit, but I thought that it would be cleared up by the time we were done. I was wrong. I looked outside once we left the cash register and it was pouring with no end in sight. Everyone was standing under the overhang with their groceries, waiting for it to stop raining. After waiting a few minutes I asked Broden, "Do you want to wait and stay dry or do you want to run to the car in the rain?" Broden said, "Run in the rain." I asked him again to make sure he knew what he was requesting to do. I put my finger under his chin to tilt his head up to me, "Broden, you want to run in the rain and get wet?" He said, "Get wet in the rain."

He climbed on the grocery cart and held the umbrella over our heads as we darted out into the rain. I looked back at the others who chose to stay under the overhang. One woman looked at me and smiled in admiration as we made a dash for the car. We were the only ones in the group who dared to make the trek. We dared to do it because Broden was brave enough to try. Being brave enough to try is going to be our theme this year. Just because we haven't done something before doesn't mean it can't be done. •

PUZZLES & CAMO Shelley Huhtanen is an Army wife with two children, one with autism, whose husband is currently stationed at Fort Benning, GA. She is an autism advocate and currently the parent liaison for the Academy for Exceptional Learners.