THE RIGHT SUPPORT FOR FAMILIES TOUCHED BY AUTISM

As parents, most of us remember leaving the hospital with our first babies and asking ourselves: "Am I actually qualified to raise such a beautiful and tender little being?" If we are completely honest, the answer was probably "no." At that moment of brand new parenthood, none of us was entirely qualified. We read books and sought advice, but learning by doing would eventually teach us far more than even the highest-rated parenting book.

Throughout our parenting journeys, we learn what works and what doesn't. We learn how to connect with the individual personalities of our kids and how to remain calm when chaos ensues. We learn when to let go and when to lean in. Most of all, we learn that it's impossible to raise another human being entirely on our own. As the saying goes: "It takes a village." Well, after being a parent for nine years, I now imagine this "village" in a more practical sense. For me, it takes a solid set of tools. All parents need a personal tool elt of resources within reach to help us power through the variety of situations that life puts in our path.

Think of a skilled carpenter— someone who made the chair you're sitting in or the frame that holds your home together. What if he or she attempted to create these structures with their bare hands? Or with just one or two basic tools? Imagine the difficulty of creating the basis for a sturdy house with a single hammer.

In this way, parenting is a lot like carpentry. We can't do it with our hands alone. A single tool won't suffice either. The more tools we have in our belt and resources we leverage, the more we are prepared to build a bright future for our littles ones.

While it's true that every parent needs a strong set of tools, certain life situations lead many parents to need a few extra ones. Through my experience working with hundreds of parents raising individuals with autism, I know that their jobs as parents are made easier with a deeper tool belt. Autism can be physically taxing, socially isolating and emotionally draining, not just for parents, but for the entire family. I am honored to know so many heroic mothers and fathers that continue to live fully, work diligently and serve selflessly, despite the unpredictability of autism.

THE AUTISM TOOLBELT

A CLEAN, BEAUTIFUL WORKSHOP (A JUDGEMENT-FREE PLACE)

From the looks thrown in the supermarket or the comments made during a meltdown at a restaurant, the feeling of judgement follows many families who have children with autism. To build a solid foundation of acceptance for their family member with autism, parents and siblings need a place where the meltdowns and awkward moments are not only accepted but appreciated. I once answered the phone to hear a brokendown mother on the other end. She was in desperate need of support for her child with autism, because her own biological family members had a difficult time understanding her child's uniqueness. I invited her into ESP and saw a tear in her eye when I said, "Welcome to the family." More than anything, families of those with autism need a place of acceptance, rather than isolation. This is the first and most foundational "tool" in the belt.

A SHARP SAW (AFTER-SCHOOL & SUMMER PROGRAMMING)

For parents of children with autism, "normal" can be a foreign concept. With a wide variety of childcare programs, our organization aims to give parents a sense of normalcy by allowing them to return to work and other responsibilities. These programs are a parent's saw, because they allow moms and dads to cut away the idea that there's no place where their children will be wholeheartedly catered to and cared for, no matter their ability. With after school programs, parents can work until 6 pm. while their children engage in arts and recreation. Parents gain respite and the opportunity to refuel during our eight weeks of summer day camp and two weeks of overnight camp. Our organization also vets and trains babysitting volunteers that parents can access through a Special Sitter Facebook page. Having a saw in the tool belt, in the form of a variety of childcare resources, gives parents guilt-free time to to refuel, recharge, spend time with other siblings and focus on their careers.

GLUE (COUNSELING RESOURCES)

To hold a family together, every parent needs super-strength glue in his or her tool belt. We like to add a little extra strength to a parent's glue by offering free counseling. A family member with autism comes with everyday stressors that can create tension between family members. Many times, all that is needed to ease the tension is a welcoming place to vent, cry, talk and reset. I have seen tremendous growth in families through our free counseling partnership, because this tool provides family members with the opportunity to invest in their mental health. Each and every member of a family deserves to be heard and understood, and counseling is the tool that intervenes to bring a family back to its center when it may be close to falling apart.

HAMMER & NAILS (RELATIONSHIPS)

During my years working with parents of those with special needs, I've heard over and over how a variety of relationships change when a family has a child with autism. Unfortunately, many "pre-autism" relationships no longer have a common bond, as parents watch other childrens hit the big life milestones that pass their own child by. Parents who have a child with autism often feel alone, and they can begin to fall into the trap of comparison with those around them in their daily lives. Therefore, it is key for these parents to connect and befriend other parents and families of children with autism. It's important for these parents to have access to a hammer and nails— the opportunity to connect and bond with others who get it. Our organization helps these relationships through yearly family camp, monthly spaghetti suppers, mom's day out's and a Facebook page connecting the caregivers of those we serve. These are all easily accessible (right in the tool belt!) for the parents we serve… and these opportunities make all the difference.

MEASURING TAPE (HOPE)

The only thing greater than fear is HAMMER & NAILS (RELATIONSHIPS) During my years working with parents of those with special needs, I've heard over and over how a variety of relationships change when a family has a child with autism. Unfortunately, many "pre-autism" relationships no longer have a common bond, as parents watch other hope. Every parent needs a good measuring tape in their belt, because it shows them how far they've come and where it's possible to go. More than anyone, parents of children with autism need hope. It's important that they can see success in the eyes of other parents who have walked in their shoes. They need to hear "it'll be okay," spoken from someone with true experience. In the most beautiful and powerful ways, I've learned that hope is the fuel that will sustain even the most discouraged parent. Our organization strives to always be dealers of hope in any and all situations. By connecting parents of children with autism with one another, we aim to ensure that no parent ever feels hopeless or alone. A smiling face, positive attitude and reassuring word can offer an unprecedented amount of hope to a parent who needs it most, encouraging them to continue on courageously, through the journey called parenthood.

IT'S A BIG TENT: Ashley Rentz and daughter Katie Rentz help out at an Extra Special People 4th of July picnic. It is key for parents to connect and befriend other parents and families of children with autism.

 These brave parents often live day to day, with only one or two tools. We believe that's just not enough. It's our hope to fill the tool belts of parents that are striving to build the best possible future for their children with autism. My organization, Extra Special People, is proud to offer the following "tools" to families with an autistic member. We truly believe that having these resources in their parenting tool belt helps parents of those with autism thrive.•

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: IT'S A BIG TENT: Ashley Rentz and daughter Katie Rentz help out at an Extra Special People 4th of July picnic. It is key for parents to connect and befriend other parents and families of children with autism. Laura Whitaker began as a volunteer at Extra Special People in 2003. With her passion for enhancing the lives of children with developmental disabilities and her specialized education in this field, Laura was selected as the Executive Director in 2006. As Executive Director, Laura uses her leadership and management strengths to manage staff, oversee year-round programs and summer camps and raise millions of dollars for the organization. Her favorite part of the job is getting to hug the many children who walk through the ESP doors. For more information, visit extraspecialpeople.com and camphooray.com