THE RESILIENT WARRIOR

KEEP THE BEST AND LEAVE THE REST

BY VANESSA JACOBY, PHD, ABPP ADVISOR WITH CLARITY CHILD GUIDANCE CENTER

Book Editor’s Note: Featuring self-help, mental health, and mind and body tactics from a variety of sources — veterans, former and active U.S. Marines, Navy, Army Rangers, Green Berets, family members and caretakers — The Resilient Warrior is collaborative collection providing needed wisdom for complete well-being for all of us. The first step to thriving is surviving, and the first step to surviving is knowing how to get what you need, when you need it. The following excerpt of this essential self-help guide to living a healthy, resilient, fulfilled and better life is the first in a series of five that EP Magazine will feature over the coming months.

Evaluate the situation and create a lifestyle strategy that best fits your circumstances, utilizing what works and removing what doesn't.

For many, being a military service member is not just a job. Military service is surrounded by unique culture, values, and lifestyle. Some service members embrace their military culture and training and bring those values home to their families. Others try to intentionally separate themselves from the "soldier" at work and the "parent and spouse" at home.

There is no specific "right" way to do things and different strategies work for different families. However, in working with military families, I have noticed that the families who are struggling tend to take an extreme approach at either end of this spectrum – the "All or None" approach.

Most things in life are not black and white. "All or nothing" thinking is a common yet unhelpful thinking pattern that can cause problems in our lives. This is true for bringing your mil

itary training and values into your home, as well. On the one hand, many military values may have great benefits and are meant to create strong and resilient people. Who doesn't want their family to be strong and resilient? Likewise, completely isolating your family from military life can lead your family to feel left out on top of missing out on the unique strengths that come with being in a military family. On the other hand, the military has a specific purpose, and they train people to behave in order to fulfill that purpose. That means that not all aspects of military training and values, rigidly followed, make sense in the context of raising children. Here are key military values that are great to bring into the family (with moderation) plus a couple of additional values that are essential to good child development.

THE HACK UNPACKED

So, what to keep, and what to toss?

High expectations: The military famously "breaks you down to build you back up." They test your limits, push you to the max. They need you to be not just good, but great. This is because service members often encounter life-threatening